Ranger's New Deal, The Complete Story
by DyanSwan
Summary: Begins after Twelve Sharp. Ranger gets unsolicited advice from a variety of unexpected sources on the state of his relationships. This is the complete story, sixteen chapters. Some day I plan to rewrite the story to put the dialogue in the traditional format instead of the script format that it's currently in.


**Ranger's New Deal**

* * *

**Disclosure and Notes:**

I am borrowing JE's wonderful characters for fun, not profit.

_Begins after __Twelve Sharp__. _ _Ranger gets unsolicited advice from a variety of unexpected sources on the state of his relationships._

* * *

**Chapter 1: Meet Abuela Ana**

I was just told that I am not a real man. I double-checked my crotch, my junk was still there. My testosterone levels felt high. My Abuela Ana told me I'm not a real man!

I'm Ricardo Carlos Manoso, second generation Cuban-American from Newark, New Jersey. I live in Trenton. I am former Army Special Forces. I am known by street name, Ranger, to many, as Carlito to family and friends and as Ricardo to no one. I'm a badass bounty hunter and I own Rangeman Security. Rangeman has offices in Trenton, Miami, Atlanta and Boston. I am the father of a 10-year old daughter, Julie, who lives in Miami with her Mother and Stepfather. I'm in love with Stephanie Plum, a bounty hunter that I have mentored since the day she started in the business. I know that Stephanie loves me, but she also loves Joe Morelli, a Trenton plain-clothes cop.

A few months ago, a man by the name of Edward Scrog decided that he was a better Ranger Manoso than I was. He kidnapped Julie and then he kidnapped Stephanie so that he could have the women in my life. With the help of my Rangeman Trenton team and the Trenton PD, I was able to find Julie and Stephanie. In the process, I was shot a few times. Julie, in a real act of bravery, shot Scrog and saved my life.

Julie is the result of me taking advantage of Rachel, on our one and only date. I was twenty. I had just entered the Special Forces and was way too full of myself. I was on leave in Miami, visiting my Abuela, when Julie was conceived. When Rachel told me she was pregnant, I did the right thing and married her. We were divorced shortly after Julie was born. When Julie was about two, Rachel married Ron Martine. Ron adopted Julie. Rachel and Ron had two other children, a son and daughter, so Julie has a relatively normal family life. I have financially supported Julie since the day she was born. I send birthday and Christmas presents. I visit Julie only when Rachel and Ron invite me.

When I was being taken to the hospital after the shooting, Julie insisted that she go in the ambulance with her Father to the hospital. I realized that I love my baby girl.

Every time, I go to Florida to check in at Rangeman Miami, I try to go to visit my Abuela. When I was fourteen, I got in trouble for stealing a car and spent some time in juvie. When I got out, my parents shipped me off to Miami to live with Abuela Ana. My Abuela is five feet tall and formidable. You don't fuck with her. She kept my ass from a repeat visit to juvie by keeping me in line. I lived with my Abuela for three years, until I graduated from high school.

If I am in Miami and I don't go to visit Abuela, she knows. She'll call Ella, my housekeeper, to find out when I am returning to Trenton. Then she waits a week before calling me to remind me that I am an ingrate, that she always knows when I am in Miami and am I not ashamed that I didn't come to visit the Abuela who loves you. So when in Miami, I schedule time to visit the Abuela who loves me or else I catch hell. Being a Badass means nothing to my Abuela. Showing her the proper love and respect means everything.

This is my first trip to Miami since the Scrog incident. I called Abuela Ana, as soon as I landed and asked if I could take her to dinner. She said no to going out. She said yes to making me dinner.

I arrived at her house a little before six. Abuela's is a small cozy house in Miami's Cuban version of the Burg.

Since things have been going well with my business and investments for a while, a few years ago, I asked Abuela if I could buy her a house or condo in a nicer neighborhood. (I didn't just buy her a new place, since I had learned the very hard way, that you never, never surprise Abuela Manoso. She likes things her way and that's that. Um.) She put her hands on her hips, stomped her foot and said, Listen here _**Senor Mucho Dinero**_; I've lived in this house since I was a bride. I raised my children here. I have friends here. My church is here. I plan to die here. If this house and neighborhood aren't grand enough for your recently wealthy bottom, then don't come to see me and break your Abuela's heart. We never discussed her moving again. As a concession, she did allow me to install a security system, to take over the household expenses and to provide her with a car and driver as needed.

As I was getting out of the Porsche that I use when I'm in Miami, Abuela was walking from her front door to the car to meet me.

Abuela Ana: Another fancy black car Carlito?

Ranger: No Abuela, the same car as last time and the time before.

Abuela Ana: (Reaching up and cupping Ranger's face in her hands.) It's been too long since I've seen your face my darling boy.

Ranger: (Kissing each of Abuela Ana's cheeks) Abuela!

Abuela Ana: (Patting Ranger's cheek, a little harder than usual) It's been TOO long, my Angel.

Ranger: (Quietly.) Si Abuela.

We walked in to the house. It smelled like home. Abuela Ana always makes my favorite foods, including flan. When I tried to tell her that I don't eat desserts anymore, she gave me a look. That was the last of that discussion. I eat dessert when my Abuela makes it for me.

After dinner, while we were having flan, Abuela Ana insisted that I tell her about the Scrog incident, my injuries and Julie. When I told her that Julie saved my life by shooting Scrog, she gave me a long thoughtful look.

Abuela Ana: Carlito, my darling, I think your Julie is very much like you. Full of spirit.

Ranger: Yes, maybe.

Abuela Ana: Yes, I know it. I've see it in her. I've seen it in her since she was a baby.

Rachel, being the nice Cuban woman that she is, makes sure that Julie knows her Manoso relatives. Rachel understands that my family would feel incomplete if Julie was kept from them. Rachel has been bringing Julie to visit Abuela Ana at least monthly since Julie was born. After Rachel married Ron, she and Ron brought Julie to visit. As their family expanded, they all started coming with Julie to visit. Abuela has adopted Rachel, Ron and their children into the family. Rachel and Ron take Julie to Newark every year to visit my parents. Julie knows all of her Manoso family, except, me.

Ranger: Abuela, when did you see Julie?

Abuelo Ana: I saw her last week. Dear girl, she came to spend an afternoon with her Abuela. We did our girl stuff, we cooked, we visited the neighbors and we talked and talked. She's such a joy.

Ranger: Did she mention me?

Abuela Ana: Yes. You were all she talked about. Ranger this, Ranger that. Why does she call you Ranger? Why doesn't she call you Papi? When did you talk to her last? When are you going to go to see her?

_No subtlety with my Abuela. I just sat there blank faced._

Ranger: I'll try to see her while I'm here. I'll clear it with Rachel and Ron.

Abuela Ana: Rachel and Ron never keep you from seeing Julie. You do that to yourself, my boy.

Ranger: Abuela.

Abuela Ana: Do you not love Julie?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Abuela Ana: Look at me and listen to me, my darling. Just because you didn't love Rachel when you made Julie and just because you didn't want to become a father when you did, doesn't mean that you can ignore that you are Julie's father.

Ranger: Abuela, I acknowledge that I'm Julie's father. I provide for her.

Abuela Ana: With your checkbook, not with your heart.

Ranger: (More silence.)

Abuela Ana: Look at Ron. When he married Rachel, he took on Julie as his daughter. He loves her as his daughter. He's a got a good heart. He's what my Jewish friends call a . . . a . . . a mensch. He's a real father.

_Abuela has Jewish friends? _

Ranger: Si Abuela.

Abuela Ana: (Smacking Ranger upside the head.) You're . . . I'm not sure what you are? I'm ashamed of the way you treat Julie. You are not a man.

Ranger: (Insistently.) I am a man.

Abuela Ana: (Sternly.) You're not. (Making the sign of the Cross.) Your Abuelo, God rest his soul, that was a man.

Ranger: Abuelo was a man? He cheated on you with Maria Vasquez for years.

Abuela Ana: (Smacking Ranger upside the head again.) How can you say that about your Abuelo? The man was nearly a Saint. He was a good husband and devoted father. AND if he did cheat, it was because he was so handsome, that Maria, that tramp, threw herself at him. He couldn't help it. The only reason that I'm still angry with him is that he died too early and left me.

Ranger: (Incredulously.) Abuelo was nearly a Saint?

Abuela Ana: To me. Carlito, you may be muy macho, but you're not a man. The child loves you. Can't you try to love her? Carlito, what are you going to do about it? Get to know your daughter before she never wants to know who you are.

Ranger: Julie will want to know me, I'm her father.

Abuela Ana: Then act like it. She won't want to know you if you continue to neglect her.

Ranger: I provide for her.

Abuela Ana: Carlito were you listening to your Abuela when she was talking to you? Provide with your heart, not just your checkbook.

Ranger: But. . .

Abuela Ana: (Interrupting.) But nothing. I'm telling you this because I love you like family.

Ranger: (Interrupting.) But Abuela, I am family.

Abuela Ana: (Interrupting Ranger again.) You're interrupting the Abuela who loves you? Of course, you're family. You're the son of my son. You're my blood. So act like a man. Act like a Manoso. Get to know your daughter, Carlito.

Ranger: I don't know how.

Abuela Ana: You don't know how? Spend time with her. Call her. E-mail her, text her, do whatever, just keep in touch. The relationship will follow and so will the love. And do that with your Stephanie too.

Ranger: You know about Stephanie?

Abuela Ana Of course. You've been a fool with her too.

**Chapter 2: Abuela Ana Continues to Talk**

Ranger: How do you know about Stephanie?

Abuela Ana: You two are the talk of Trenton.

Ranger: (Stunned disbelief.)

Abuela Ana: Really my darling, you didn't think all the kisses and touches and cars wouldn't be gossip?

Ranger: (More stunned disbelief.)

Abuela Ana: Angel, did you think you were being discrete? (Slaps Ranger upside the head.) Estupido. For someone so smart, you're not always the brightest light on the Christmas tree.

Ranger: (Pointedly.) Who told you? Someone tall, dark and tank-like?

Abuela Ana: (Grinning.) I have sources.

Ranger: Was it someone short, feminine with cooking skills?

Abuela Ana: Does it matter how I know, I know. Apparently you're Stephanie's puppy.

Ranger: I'm not.

Abuela Ana: (Patting Ranger's hand.) You are.

Ranger: I'm not.

Abuela Ana: You are. You're cute, you're Cuban, you're her own little Havanese.

Ranger: Abuela, I'm not!

Abuela Ana: What did you think that you'd be? Her own little Bichon?

Ranger: (Glaring.)

Abuela Ana: Don't get saucy with me and don't give me that look. And don't disagree with me, my darling boy. I always knew that someday, some woman would render you silly. Now, what are you going to do about it?

Ranger: (Shrugs his shoulders.)

Abuela Ana: What are you going to do about the sometime boyfriend?

Ranger: (Muttering.) Tank is so dead.

Abuela Ana: I heard that young man. Carlito, shame on you. Tank's like family. Touch one hair on his head and I'm going to give you a time out.

Ranger: Can I at least send Tank to a third world country for an extended 'vacation'?

Abuela Ana: You are really looking for that time out. Now I'm going to think about your Stephanie situation for you because, obviously, my dear, you're hopeless where she's concerned. While I'm doing my thinking, I might have to ask you some questions, strictly for research.

Ranger: Research, that's code for prying.

Abuela Ana: (Smacking Ranger upside the head.)

Ranger: Abuela, please, you're going to give me a concussion.

Abuela Ana: Then stop sassing. Now what was I saying before I was so rudely interrupted by the grandson that I help raise? I remember. I'll do my thinking and '_**research**__'_. And then I'll develop my action plan re this Stephanie thing. When I'm ready, we'll meet, we'll discuss the plan and implementation procedures. Then we'll have some flan and coffee

_My Abuela, the tactical strategist. The CIA has nothing on her. Actually, the CIA should hire her as a consultant._

Ranger: Do I have a choice?

Abuela Ana: (Gives Ranger the look.)

Ranger: (Shaking his head.) I didn't think so.

Abuela Ana: Now I have to shoo you out of here. My friend, Irv Saperstein is coming to visit in thirty minutes and I want to get pretty for him.

Ranger: (Being protective.) Who is this friend? How did you meet him? Should I run a check on him? Isn't it late? Abuelas aren't supposed to date. MY Abuela isn't supposed to date.

Abuela Ana: (Winking.) This Abuela is dating. So, how do you youngsters say it? Chill. I called your office and had them run a background check. Not only is he fine, he's dandy. When I'm sure that he doesn't scare easily, I'll introduce him to the family. Now go.

Abuela walked me to my car, kissed my forehead and waved me off. This was one helluva dinner, I was served an appetizer of You're not a man, a main course of Listen to what I say and do as I tell you and for dessert Good-bye, my date's coming over.

My Abuela has a hot late night date! If he stays the night, I'll have to kill him.

How did this happen? I know. It happened because I'm not a man.

**Chapter 3: Abuela Ana Sets the Date**

During the drive from Abuela's to my apartment at Rangeman Miami, I relived the evening a few times. It kept getting worse. she said that I wasn't a man, but that Abuelo, that cheating lout, was almost a saint and a real man. Abuela said that Julie wouldn't want to know me, if I continued to keep her at arm's length. Why not? I'm her father. When I'm ready, she'll be ready, right? Or when I'm ready will she just consider me her Bio-Dad, the Sperminator who did his bit at conception? Damn it, I'm her father. Julie looks like me. She's my baby girl. She's my daughter. She's mine. She'll want to know me, right?

Abuela said that Stephanie and I were the talk of Trenton. Tank gets killed for that one, time out or no time out. She said that I was Stephanie's puppy, her Havanese puppy. I'll bet that was courtesy of Ella. What did Abuela mean by that? I don't know the Havanese breed; I'll have to look it up. I kept having a vision of a puppy dancing on its hind legs waiting for Stephanie to reward it with a biscuit. Was that what I was doing with Stephanie? Fuck, I am Stephanie's puppy, her trained Havanese puppy.

By the time Abuela chased me out of the house for her hot date, my gonads had retreated so far up that I felt like I had been kicked in the balls. Dinner at Abuela's was on Tuesday. By Wednesday night, after I had sparred a few rounds and went on a takedown, my balls were starting to drop and my testosterone level was rising. Then I went online and looked up Havanese dogs. They're sturdy little bundles of fur. According to the websites I looked at, they are charming and playful and gentle and responsive. They're cute. They're fucking adorable. They're girls. Even the males are girls. I am not a Havanese puppy. Hell no. I'm a Great Dane or a Boxer. A manly dog. Damn it, I couldn't get the image out of my head of me as a dancing Havanese puppy waiting for Stephanie to reward me with a biscuit. My gonads retreated again.

On Thursday after sparring about ten rounds and going on three takedowns, my re-masculinization was nearly completed. My balls had dropped and my testosterone level was high. I was feeling muy, muy macho. Then, the telephone rang.

Abuela Ana: Hello my darling.

Ranger: Hola Abuela.

Abuela Ana: When are you going back to Trenton?

Ranger: Tomorrow.

Abuela Ana: Have you seen Julie?

Ranger: Um, no.

Abuela Ana: Did you call Rachel and Ron?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Damn. I told Abuela that I would call Rachel and Ron to try to arrange a visit. Abuela is worse than Mrs. Rodriguez, my junior high Algebra teacher, she always checks to see if you did your homework.

Abuela Ana: Go back on Sunday.

Ranger: My flight's booked.

Abuela Ana: Change your flight. (A long pause.) Carlito, you know how you're always trying to give me gifts that I don't want, like a new house?

Ranger: (Groaning silently, then meekly) Yes.

Abuela Ana: I want you to give me something that I really want.

Ranger: (In a teasing manner.) Abuela, tell me, what do you really want me to give you?

Abuela Ana: (Patiently.) I want to spend Saturday with my grandson and my great granddaughter.

Ranger: (Very quietly.) Oh.

Abuela Ana: Darling boy, did you hear me?

Ranger: Si, Abuela.

Abuela Ana: I spoke with Rachel and told her that you were in town and that I wanted to spend Saturday with you and Julie. They have things to do in the morning, but the afternoon's free. Rachel said that she could bring Julie to my house and that Julie could stay for dinner.

Ranger: And . . .

Abuela Ana: And? You said 'and' to your Abuela? (Sigh, then pause.) Will you be at my house on Saturday afternoon to visit with your daughter and me?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Abuela Ana: Tell me puppy, do you have a hot date on Saturday with Stephanie?

Ranger: (Cringing.) No.

Abuela Ana: Do you have any plans, hot or cold, for Saturday in Trenton?

Ranger: No Abuela.

Abuela Ana: Then change your flight. This is your opportunity to make your Abuela happy.

Ranger: Why are you being so insistent about this? I'll visit Julie when I'm ready.

Abuela Ana: You'll visit her now.

Ranger: Abuela, I'll visit Julie the next time I'm in Miami.

Abuela Ana: You won't. I know you won't. You're just saying that to shush me.

Ranger: (In a placating manner.) Abuela.

Abuela Ana: Don't Abuela me, young man. I didn't want to tell you this this way. I wanted to be gentle, but you're forcing me to be blunt.

Ranger: You're always blunt with me.

Abuela Ana: (Thinking out loud.) We never had these problems with your brother and sisters. I told your mother to breast feed you. But would she? No. I guess after five children there wasn't any milk left for you, and look what happened.

Ranger: (Interrupting.) Abuela, please.

Abuela Ana: Abuela, please! What? You fathered a child, you've done missions in remote locations, but talking about breastfeeding makes you blush?

Ranger: Abuela.

Abuela Ana: Where was I? I remember. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, dear boy, I'm blunt because I have to be. Otherwise, you don't listen. Have you been in contact with Julie since the Scrog thing?

Ranger: No.

Abuela Ana: So let me understand, your ten-year-old watched you get shot, yet you never called her to tell her you were okay?

Ranger: She was at the hospital. She knew I was fine.

Abuela Ana: (Harrumphing.) And you never called that child to thank her for picking up a gun, shooting that, that mad man and saving your life?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Abuela Ana: Carlito, she's a ten-year-old girl, a baby. She was kidnapped. She watched her father, who she idolizes, get shot.

Ranger: (Pause, then very quietly.) She idolizes me?

Abuela Ana: Estupido! Of course, you're her hero, you catch the bad guys. (Pause.) Carlito, she needs to heal and you need to help her. Be a man, my darling. Be her real hero.

Ranger: (Apologetically.) Abuela, should I smack myself upside the head a few times?

Abuela Ana: At least two or three times.

Ranger: I'll see you on Saturday. What time do you want me there?

Abuela Ana: Good choice, my darling. Be here by three. Oh, and Carlito. . .

Ranger: (Impatiently.) What?

Abuela Ana: What, you said 'what' to your Abuela? Such disrespect. Carlito, how many times have I told you, you say yes, you say no, but never, never 'what'.

Ranger: I'll give myself another smack upside the head.

Abuela Ana: Good. We'll see you at three. And, Carlito, I expect you to stay until Ron and Rachel come to pick Julie up.

Ranger: Yes Abuela.

Abuela Ana: I love you. Good bye.

Ranger: I love you too. See you on Saturday.

**Chapter 4: Meet and Greet at Abuela Ana's**

How in the hell did that happen? When I answered the phone, I was flying back to Trenton on Friday. By the time I hung up I was saying, I love you too. See you on Saturday. I felt groggy and disoriented. I was just KO'd and I was still punch drunk. Abuela Ana, the master of applying pressure, led with her left and followed up with her 'Listen to me, I'm right' and I fell. I'm not sure when I agreed to postpone my trip back to Trenton. I'm not sure when I agreed to spend an afternoon with Julie and Abuela. I'm not sure when I agreed to any of this, I just know I agreed.

I called Tank to tell him, that I would be staying in Miami until Sunday.

Tank: Let me guess. You're staying in Miami for the weekend because Abuela Ana told you too?

Ranger: Yep.

Tank: Did she bring out the big weapons?

Ranger: Yep.

Tank: Did she use the noble tears routine? *

Ranger: Bigger.

Tank: What's bigger than noble tears? She gets me every time with that one.

Ranger: She pulled out a weapon that I didn't know that she had in her silo.

Tank: What's the new weapon?

Ranger: She told me that I wasn't a man.

Tank: She what?

Ranger: You heard it. According to my Abuela, I'm not a man.

Tank: Ouch! That's hate. Why'd she snip you?

Ranger: Julie. Stephanie. (Pause.) Tank remind me to kill you when I get back.

Tank: You can't kill me; Our Abuela will give you a time out. I'm part of the family.

Ranger: She told me. But I'm still going to kill you or send you off to Greenland for a winter holiday.

Tank: (Teasing.) I'm telling.

Ranger: Apparently you _have_ been telling. She said that I'm making a spectacle of myself with Stephanie and that we're the talk of Trenton. And she said that I'm Stephanie's puppy, her little Havanese puppy.

Tank: Havanese puppies are so cute. They're fucking adorable. I was thinking of getting one, but I have to talk to Miss Kitty, Suzy and Applepuff about expanding the family.

Ranger: You're going to discuss getting a pet with your cats?

Tank: They're people too. I mean, uh, you know. We're housemates. I need to consider their feelings.

Ranger: When did you last spend some 'quality time' with Lula? Cause you need it bad.

Tank: Just because your Abuela gave you the ability to hit high notes . . .

Ranger: Tank!

Tank: Got it.

Ranger: Want to tell me how she got her intel?

Tank: She has sources.

Ranger: And who are the sources?

Tank: Cross your heart, hope to die, never tell sources.

Ranger: Cross your heart, hope to die, never tell sources! Greenland is nice in the winter. You'll enjoy it. Pack your Arctic wear.

Tank: Sorry no can do. Greenland's not my style. Now if you were offering North Korea or somewhere in Africa, then I'm your man.

Ranger: (Seething.) You talked!

Tank: You know how it is when she calls. One minute we're talking about the weather and she's asking about my tomato plants and the next minute I'm telling her my life story, or in this case,_ your_ life story.

Ranger: How much did you tell her?

Tank: About what?

Ranger: Julie. Stephanie.

Tank: (Silence.)

Ranger: Is there anyone in Trenton who doesn't know about . . .

Tank: Not really.

Ranger: (More seething.)

Tank: Man, Abuela wants to help.

Ranger: I don't need help, it's all under control.

Tank: So you're doing the Daddy thing with Julie and you told Stephanie how you really feel about her?

Ranger: (Momentary silence.) I'll be seeing Julie on Saturday.

Tank: 'bout time.

Ranger: Damn Skippy.

Tank: Good. Now that the thing with Julie is being fixed, your Abuela can help you to get your head out of your ass where Stephanie is concerned. Cause if you don't, then forget it. You can just stick a bow on Stephanie's head and send her back to Morelli for good.

Ranger: What does that mean?

Tank: That means if you want her get to work.

The conversation continued for a while longer until I felt compelled to hang up on Tank and plot revenge.

I spent Friday continuing my re-masculinization program by bench pressing weights, hammering the punching bag and planning Tank's trip to Greenland. I also started my mental preparations for Saturday by meditating and chanting my mantra: I am a man, I am a man, I am a man.

On Saturday, I did my usual morning routine: workout, shower, grooming and healthful breakfast. I continued to recite, I am a man, I am a man, I am man, to make sure that my edges were sharp and that I was ready for the task ahead. I spent at least an hour trying to decide which black outfit to wear. I thought about bringing a gift for Julie, but hell, I had no idea what a ten-year-old girl would like. I could send Julie a gift when I got back to Trenton. I could ask Stephanie go shopping with me. Was I really thinking of going to a mall without the threat of bodily harm? I went to the bathroom mirror, looked myself straight in the eye and told myself to snap out of it.

I was walking up to Abuela's front door, when I saw Julie, all arms and legs, running to greet me with a little black fur ball prancing beside her. She stopped short of lunging into me. There was a look of hesitation in Julie's eyes.

Julie: Ranger, I mean Daddy, may I hug you?

Ranger: Of course.

Julie: Are you better? Are you sure I won't hurt you if I give you a hug?

Ranger: (Grinning.) You won't hurt me. (Momentary pause.) I'd like a hug.

Julie leaned into me, wrapped her arms around me and gave me a very big and very tight hug. Her arm pressed against the rib that had been broken and I winced a tiny bit.

Julie: Oh, you're still hurt. I shouldn't have hugged you so hard.

I looked at her, smiled and hugged her back. The little fur ball was yapping and dancing to get our attention. I glared at it, but it continued to yap and dance. Then it started to crawl up my leg.

Julie: Down Sherman. Don't climb up Ranger's, I mean, Dad's leg.

She gathered up the fur ball in her arms.

Ranger: Sherman?

Julie: Yeah, he's my new puppy.

Ranger: How did he get a name like Sherman?

Julie: Papi named him. When we got him, he was running around the house and knocking things over. Papi said he was like a Sherman Tank, so that's what we named him.

Ranger: His name is Sherman Tank?

Julie: (Nodding.) His full name is Sherman Tank Manoso-Martine. He's hyphenated.

Ranger: (Looking at Sherman.) He's hyphenated? Isn't there a shot for that?

Julie: (Giggling.) Silly, he's Sherman Tank Manoso _hyphen_ Martine. He's my Rangedog.

Ranger: Really. Why?

Julie: Because he's a man in black and he protects me.

Ranger: Good to know. (Pause.) What type of dog is he?

Julie: A Havanese.

**Chapter 5: We are Family**

I took a long look at the Sherman Tank. Damn it, the little fur ball was cute and cuddly and responsive and playful. He was fucking adorable. Just like me.

Julie put Sherman down on the ground. She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the foyer.

Julie: Abuela, Rang, er, Carlo, er Daddy's here.

Abuela came rushing out of the kitchen to greet me, her arms outstretched to hug me.

Julie: We have to be careful with Daddy Abuela. He's still sore. I could tell when I hugged him.

Julie's eyes welled up with tears and her chest hitched. She tried to blink the tears away, but one tear escaped and then another. I looked her and then at Abuela. She motioned to me to comfort my daughter.

Julie: Can I see?

Ranger: See what, Hija?

Julie: (Weeping.) Can I see where you were shot? I want to see that you're better.

Ranger: Julie.

Julie: (Sniffling.) Please. I know that we don't really know each other, but you're my father, and, and . . .

Ranger: (In a calm tone.) And what Angel?

Julie: I saw you get shot. What if you died?

Then Julie began really crying, great racking sobs. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. I felt a tap on my shoulder. Abuela handed me some tissues. I led Julie from the foyer to the living room. Sherman followed along.

I sat on the couch and put Julie on my lap. She leaned her head on my chest while she continued to sob. When her sobs started to subside, I dabbed her eyes and gave her a tissue for her nose.

Ranger: Were you scared?

Julie: Uh huh. Scrog didn't hurt me, but he could of. When he started talking about going after you, I got really scared. And then, then he shot you.

Ranger: And then you shot him. You were very brave.

Julie: It happened so fast.

Ranger: (hugging Julie close.) You saved my life. Thank you.

Abuela was watching from the entranceway silently coaching me to do more.

Ranger: I love you Hija.

We sat in silence for a while. Then Julie took her head off my chest and sat up straight.

Julie: Now can I see?

Ranger: Okay.

Julie got off my lap. I pulled up the right side of my shirt and slid my arm out of the sleeve. I showed her where my rib had been splintered and the scars from the shots in my shoulder and neck. She inspected my wounds and when she was satisfied that I was going to be fine, she gave me another big hug.

Abuela walked into the living room and asked Julie if she wanted to make cookies. Julie nodded her head and skittered off to the kitchen with the fur ball at her heels. I pulled my shirt back on. Abuela came to where I was sitting. She ruffled my hair and smiled.

Abuela Ana: Let's go find you an apron.

When I frowned, Abuela reminded me that no one, not even her badass bounty hunter grandson cooks in her kitchen without an apron. Abuela gave me a hug and smacked me upside the head.

Abuela Ana: That's for just in case.

Ranger: (Nodding.)

Abuela Ana: Let's go to the kitchen.

Ranger: Guess that means I'm on K.P. duty.

Abuela Ana: Of course darling boy. If you're nice, we'll let you eat some of the batter and make a cookie or two.

Something in the kitchen smelled really good. There was a large pot on the stove. I went to the pot, lifted the lid and inhaled the aroma. Ropa vieja, one of my favorites. I smiled at Abuela.

Ranger: Ropa vieja. Thank you.

Julie: (Chiming in.) Thank you Abuela.

Abuela Ana: It's one of Julie's favorites too.

Julie was wearing an old-fashioned apron with flowers on it. Abuela put on a similar apron. Thankfully, they found me a plain white apron to use. My testosterone levels were finally cruising at an altitude of mucho manly.

Julie and Abuela gathered the ingredients to make the batter for chocolate chip cookies. They discussed the merits of using butter or shortening. They decided to use butter-flavored shortening to get the best of both. My arteries started to clog at the sight of the shortening. Then they gave me a taste of the batter. It was so good.

It was nice of them not to laugh too much, when I started to drop blobs of batter on to a cookie sheet.

Julie: (Duh.) We have to put parchment paper on the baking sheet or the cookies will spread out too much.

Abuela was standing behind Julie, nodding her head and smiling broadly.

Abuela: That's right darling girl. You remember everything. Let's scoop this up. Get another pan and line it with parchment paper. Then we can make the cookies

Abuela handed me my tainted cookie sheet and told me to wash it.

Abuela: Carlito. Our Julie's a very smart girl. She's an A student and she's in those special programs for smart kids.

Julie shrugged.

Julie: Abuela said that you have an office and an apartment in Boston. Do you?

Ranger: I do. But I might sell it.

Julie: Don't do that! Where will I stay when I go to Harvard?

Abuela: Right, where will she stay when she goes to Harvard and I go to visit her for homecoming or whatever?

Ranger: (Smiling.) When are you going to Harvard, next week?

Julie: (Patiently.) After high school for college, unless I go to M.I.T. But that's in Boston too, so I'll still need to stay in the apartment.

Ranger: Harvard.

Julie and Abuela: (Giggling, in unison.) Daddy you better start saving now, because Harvard ain't cheap.

Great, now they're a lounge act. Harvard. The 529 account isn't going to be enough. We're going to need a trust or something. Harvard. My daughter, an Ivy Leaguer. I'd be so fucking proud. If any blue stocking, Back Bay preppy goes sniffing around my baby girl, I'll have to kill him.

After the cookies had been baked and were cooling, we ate dinner in the dining room. Abuela and Julie kept the conversation going with various tidbits and opinions on everything. After the dinner dishes had been washed, dried and put away, Abuela asked if we would like to play Scrabble. When I was in high school, we spent many nights playing Scrabble. Abuela usually won.

Julie: I'll play.

Ranger: (Teasing.) Are we playing kids' Scrabble?

Julie: I only play kids' Scrabble with my little sister and brother. Dad, do you need to play kids' Scrabble?

Abuela: (Rolling her eyes at Ranger.)

Julie: Are we playing English or Spanish Scrabble? Can I keep score?

Abuela Ana: Yes, you keep score. Let's make it easy for your father and play English Scrabble.

It was my turn to roll my eyes.

We were just starting to play when Julie begged Abuela to tell her a story about the old days.

Abuela: I was five when I came with my parents and brother to America. No one in my family knew any English. When I went to school, I was so lost, because I didn't understand what the teacher was saying. But I wanted to be a real American and speak English, so I . .

Julie: So you studied really hard, right.

Abuela: That's right Angel. Carlito, she's so smart, she remembers everything. I would take my schoolbooks home every day. At night, my brother and I would read our assignments a loud and our parents would study with us. So the whole family, Mama, Papi, Raoul and I learned to speak and read and write English together.

Julie: I like that story. Does Daddy know the Scrabble story?

Ranger: I know it. It's been a long time since I've heard it.

Abuela Ana: (Smiling and looking at Ranger.) Julie likes to hear about the family. (Turning to Julie.) We were poor when we first came to America, but Mama and Papi always made sure that Uncle Raoul and I had a gift for Christmas. One year, my Christmas gift was Scrabble. Our family spent so many hours sitting around the kitchen table playing Scrabble. Uncle Raoul was such a stickler for the rules. We had such good times together, like we're having now.

Abuela's story was cut short, when the telephone rang. Ron called to say that he would be picking Julie up in fifteen minutes.

Ron arrived just as Abuela was putting cookies in a tin for Julie to take with her. I gave Julie my cell phone number and my e-mail address and promised to keep in touch.

After we waved our goodbyes, Abuela looked at me and smiled.

Abuela Ana: Proud of you.

Ranger: (Shrugging.)

Abuela Ana: Today you were a man. Now are you going to be man tomorrow and the day after that?

Ranger: Wha. . .

Abuela Ana: You promised to keep in touch, yes?

Ranger: Yes.

Abuela Ana: Good. When you go back to Trenton tomorrow, call Julie and tell her that you enjoyed seeing her. Then call a few days later to talk. The child was worried sick about you. She wants to know you. Keep calling and you'll build the relationship. Trust me on this one, my darling.

Ranger: (Nodding.) You're right. (Pause.) I was thinking of sending her a present. You know to thank her. She's been through a lot. What do you think she'd like?

Abuela Ana: Harvard, all expenses paid.

Ranger: I promise you Abuela, whatever college she goes to, I'll pay for everything. (Grinning.) Harvard. That would be nice.

Abuela Ana: And law school or medical school if that's what she chooses.

Ranger: Everything. But what can I get her now?

Abuela: I'm not sure. Why don't you ask Stephanie to help you?

**Chapter 6: Meanwhile, Back in Trenton**

Tank picked me up at the Newark Airport on Sunday afternoon. The flight from Miami to Newark had been smooth and without complication. I was hoping that the drive from Newark to Trenton would be as easy. Tank had a look of _well?_ in his eyes. Was he looking for a report on my visit with Julie? We drove in silence for about thirty minutes.

Ranger: She cried.

Tank: Who cried?

Ranger: Julie.

Tank: (After a long pause.) Why?

Ranger: Why what?

Tank: Why did Julie cry? What did you do to her?

Ranger: Nothing. Why would you think that I would do something to her?

Tank: Actually, it would be more like what you didn't do.

Ranger: What in the hell does that mean?

Tank: That means you put on your blank face and acted like a glacier.

It took a while for me to think about that. He nailed me. That's how I had trained myself to react to most things.

Ranger: Fallout from the Scrog thing. (Long pause.) I hated to see her so upset.

Tank: About time, you felt something for that child.

Ranger: What, you don't think I have feelings for Julie?

Tank None that I can see.

Ranger: You're wrong.

Tank: Really?

Ranger: Really. (Pause.) She's my daughter. (Pause.) I love her.

Tank: Did you tell her that?

Ranger: Yes.

Tank: (Smiling and punching Ranger in the left arm.) 'Bout time, Man

Damn that Tank. He knows how to make me spill my guts.

Ranger: You've got a namesake in Miami.

Tank: Can't. I always use condoms.

Ranger: (Laughing.) Not what I meant. Julie has a Havanese puppy. . .

Tank: (Heavy sigh.) They're fucking adorable. I'm thinking of getting one.

Ranger: I know if your cats approve.

Tank: Damn Skippy.

Ranger: The puppy is named Sherman Tank Manoso-Martine.

Tank: (Winsome.) She named her puppy after me?

Ranger: Kinda. She also named it after me. Manoso-Martine. It's hyphenated.

Tank: There's a vaccine for that.

Ranger: For what?

Tank: Hyphenation. There's a vaccine, right?

Ranger: (Glaring.) He's hyphenated as in Manoso _hyphen_ Martine.

Tank: Right. I knew that. Just playin' with you.

Ranger: I want to send Julie a gift. Got any ideas?

Tank: A full ride to Harvard.

Ranger: How in the hell do you know about Harvard?

Tank shot me a look.

Ranger: Let me guess, everyone knew but me.

Tank: (Smiling.) You should talk to your Abuela more. She's a good source of intel. Even better, you should talk to Julie.

Ranger: I plan on calling Julie tonight. But about the gift?

Tank: You covering Harvard?

Ranger: Yes. What do you think Julie would like for a gift _now_?

Tank: Clueless. (Pause.) You could ask Steph. She has some nieces around Julie's age. She may have some ideas. Take her shopping with you.

Ranger: Good idea.

Tank: Stephanie's been staying at her apartment. The cop's been staying at his house. Looks like they're in an off period. Good time for you to make your move.

Ranger: It's probably temporary.

Tank: Everything's temporary with them. The only thing that's guaranteed is the on/off cycles. (Long pause.) Why do you think that is? The word on the street is that he wants to commit, but she has to quit her job before he'll marry her. And he wants her to become a house wife, learn to cook and pop out a few kids.

Ranger: I don't see Steph agreeing to that.

Tank: Hence, the on/off cycles.

Ranger: Hence? Planning on going to law school or becoming a poet?

Tank: I'm just saying. If Stephanie and the cop really loved each other, they would find a way to work around their stuff. But they don't. I don't think it's going to happen for them. This is an opportunity, Mr. Opportunist. Are you going to take it and make something of it?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Tank: Like I told you. If you want Stephanie, you're going to have to work for her. That is if you really love her and want her. Cause if you don't, don't play with her or you'll have Lula to answer to.

Ranger: And my Abuela.

Tank: And me.

Ranger: Damn.

When I got to Rangeman, I called Julie. She was surprised that I called, but seemed glad that I did. I was surprised that we had so much to talk about.

Julie: Why is my middle name Cesira? Mom said to ask you, since you gave it to me.

Ranger: She's right. I chose your middle name.

Julie: But why Cesira? It's yucky.

Ranger: It's feminine version of Caesar. When your Mom decided to name you Julia, I thought that Julia Cesira would be a good name. It's the female version of Julius Caesar.

Julie: Ew, you name me after a guy!

Ranger: I named you after a great leader and warrior.

Julie: Ew, even worse.

Ranger: It's a good name.

Julie: No Dad, not good. Not good at all. It's like, embarrassing.

Ranger: (Silence.)

Julie: How's your girlfriend?

Ranger: I don't have a girlfriend.

Julie: I meant Stephanie. She's your girlfriend isn't she?

Ranger: She's my friend, but she's not my girlfriend.

Julie: Scrog thought she was your girlfriend. Isn't that why he kidnapped her too?

Ranger: Scrog was wrong on that one.

Julie: She's nice. Why isn't she your girlfriend?

Ranger: We're friends.

Julie: But she's not your girlfriend?

Ranger: No, she's not.

Julie: Don't you want her to be your girlfriend?

Ranger: Julie, it's complicated.

Julie: Why? You like her don't you?

Ranger: I do like her.

Julie: Did you tell her? Did you send her flowers and write her a love letter?

Ranger: No.

Julie: Maybe you should. How will she know if you like her if you don't tell her?

On that happy note, Julie and I ended our conversation. It seemed that everyone on the planet was telling me to do something about my Babe situation. Okay, not everyone, but Abuela, Tank and Julie certainly had something to say about it. So, I called Stephanie.

Ranger: Yo.

Stephanie: Yo yourself. Back from the wind?

Ranger: No, back from Miami.

Stephanie: See Julie while you were there?

Ranger: Yeah and my grandma too.

Stephanie: Good to know.

Ranger: I'm calling about Julie.

Stephanie: She's all right isn't she? I mean given everything.

Ranger: As well as can be expected. I want to send her a gift and I don't know what to get her. Got any ideas?

Stephanie: A full ride to Harvard. I hear she's very smart and Harvard's her first choice.

Ranger: She's ten; by the time she's ready to go to college, she may decide that Yale's her first choice.

Stephanie: So what's your point?

Ranger: My point is, I want to get her a gift and I need help. Would you go shopping with me?

Stephanie: Am I hearing this right? Ranger 'Don't drag me to a mall' Manoso is willing to go shopping?

Ranger: It's for Julie.

Stephanie: Right. I'll go shopping with you. If I don't you'll probably buy her something like the _Bounty Hunter's Training Manual._

Ranger: That's a classic. It should be required reading.

Stephanie: Yeah, that'll get her through middle school unscathed.

Ranger: Are you available to go shopping tomorrow?

Stephanie: Yeah.

Ranger: Is five good? We could go to Pino's on way to the mall.

Stephanie: That's good. What about dessert?

Ranger: I don't eat dessert.

Stephanie: I do.

Ranger: I'll pick you up at your place. We can get ice cream after we shop.

Stephanie: Ice cream. Yum. See you tomorrow.

**Chapter 7: A Mall and the Night Visitor**

Babe called a few hours after we talked to tell me that we should go to Quaker Bridge Mall and that we should leave at four since the mall closes at nine. According to her calculations (and she did say that) if we left at four, with travel time, eating at Pino's and shopping, we could be at the Baskin Robbins by eight, eight fifteen at the latest, and all of the flavors would still be available.

I love Babe, I do but she has some personality quirks that drive me to distraction. For example, dessert is the base of her food pyramid. If the earth were under siege by extraterrestrials, she wouldn't be worrying about the aliens' torture tactics. She'd be worried that her Mom might not be able get the ingredients to make pineapple upside down cake. Babe's idea of financial planning is making sure that all of the bills in her wallet face in the same direction and are in order by denomination. Her idea of exercise is stalking a bargain at Macy's. And the thing that really drives me to distraction about Babe is Morelli. Otherwise, I love her . . . in my own way. How else would I love her?

By the time I picked Stephanie up to go shopping on Monday evening, I had had a long day. The day wasn't my own from the moment I woke up. When Ella brought breakfast, she gave me my first briefing of the day. She told me that her plans for the day included making pineapple upside down cake or a Boston cream pie and having it in the apartment, in case I might like to ask Stephanie for dessert and coffee after our shopping trip. Since as she learned that Julie has a puppy, she would order a collar, an ID tag and a RangeDog tag and have it sent to her. Ella then informed me that Julie's favorite colors are pink and purple and provided me with a list of her sizes. _Thank you Abuela._

As it was my first day back in the Trenton office in a week and there was a lot to catch up on. The Boston office had proposals and issues that I personally needed to tend to, so I put a trip to Boston on my schedule for the later part of the week. My phone never stopped ringing and I had more than the usual amount of questions and matters to attend to.

I had a mid-morning meeting with Tank. The items on his agenda included a reminder that that pink and purple were indeed Julie's favorite colors. That she liked ballet and soccer. And that his namesake eats only organic dog treats, just in case I should be so inclined to get him a gift too. He also apprised me that he had contacted Rachel and Ron and had arranged to have a micro ID chip inserted into the fur ball, to have the chip registered with all the appropriate agencies and databases and to have Rangeman monitor his whereabouts. He then suggested that I should consider a micro ID chip for Julie, since she was fast coming upon her teenage years. When I glared, he backed off, although I did make a note to discuss a GPS tracker for Julie with Rachel and Ron.

Abuela called in the afternoon to suggest that I buy Julie and the fur ball Harvard and M.I.T. tee shirts when I go to Boston. She called about an hour later to give me the sizes for Elena and Emilio, Julie's younger sister and brother, so that I can buy them Harvard and M.I.T. tee-shirts too. She didn't want them to feel left out. _Thank you Tank for sharing my itinerary with __**our**__ Abuela. _

By the time I getting ready to leave to pick up Babe, I was in a serious state of _What The Fuck?._ I was a bit surprised when I found her outside her building waiting for me. She was on time, for Christ's sake. What I didn't expect was her tapping her foot and giving me her patented Burg death glare. This only heightened my sense of _What The Fuck?_ She opened the car door, got in, slammed the door shut and threw some papers at me.

Stephanie: I got these in the mail today. Why? What are they?

Ranger: (Carefully picking up the papers and looking at them. Then quietly muttering.) Fuck.

Stephanie: (Crossing her arms and continuing to glare.) Well.

Ranger: They're checks from Rangeman.

Stephanie: (Snatching the checks from Ranger's hands.) I know that. But why?

Ranger: They're for

Stephanie: (Loudly interrupting.) One says bonus. The other says training and development. Bonus for what? Training and development?

Ranger: (Shaking his head and quietly saying to himself.) I can't believe this. Tank say good bye to your loved ones, because you are so dead.

Stephanie: Uh, what about Tank? And what about these checks?

Ranger: They weren't supposed to be mailed to you. We, our accountant, Tank and I, were planning to invite you to a meeting to discuss this. But I see that the checks were mailed before we had the chance to discuss this with you.

Stephanie: (Rolling her eyes.) Apparently.

Ranger: The check for the bonus was for your help in finding Julie.

Stephanie: I helped with Julie because we're friends, not because I was expecting a paycheck.

Ranger: I know. Everyone at Rangeman who worked on Julie's rescue did it as a personal gesture. So I decided that everyone at Rangeman should get a bonus for finding her and saving her. Since you did the most, you got the largest bonus.

Stephanie: I don't work for Rangeman anymore.

Ranger: We kept you on the payroll. You know, in case you want to come back.

Stephanie: Humph. What about the other check? Training and development.

Ranger: Oh that.

Stephanie: Yes, that.

Ranger: Remember when I told you that I bled money, every time Rangeman protected you?

Stephanie: You told me I was entertainment and that I was a line item in your budget.

Ranger: And you were.

Stephanie: And that it was a tax deduction.

Ranger: And it was.

Stephanie: And?

Ranger: About a month ago, we were having our quarterly Rangeman partners' meeting with our accountant and one of the partners noticed the amount of the entertainment entry on the budget and had questions.

Stephanie: Your partners? Who are your partners?

Ranger: (Rubbing his face with his hands.) Tank.

Stephanie: When did Tank become a partner?

Ranger: About a year ago. Competitors were always trying to steal him away, so it made sense to give him an ownership interest. Now if he wants to leave, he has to sell his interest and live through the non-compete clause in the agreement.

Stephanie: Oh. Are there other partners?

Ranger: My parents and my grandmothers.

Stephanie: Your grandmothers! Your parents!

Ranger: Yes. When I was forming Rangeman, they put up some of the venture capital. Since the business has been successful and since they each own 1% of the partnership, they get payouts. It adds to their retirement incomes. It's worked out well.

Stephanie: So who questioned the entertainment numbers?

Ranger: My Mom.

Stephanie: (Silence.)

Ranger: When Tank and I explained the entry, our accountant suggested that you weren't entertainment.

Stephanie: (Sticking out her tongue.) Told you so!

Ranger: He suggested that your role at Rangeman was training and developing the staff on various security techniques, like showing Hal how not to get stunned with his own stun gun.

Stephanie: And.

Ranger: And he further suggested that you should be compensated for your role in training the Rangeman staff. Since training and development qualifies as a deductible expense, the partners agreed to it.

Stephanie: It's a lot of money in a lump sum and if it's compensation, a lot of it needs to be sent to the government for taxes.

Ranger: I know. That's why we wanted to meet with you before giving you the money. To discuss your options. I'm sorry.

Stephanie: Did you just say you were sorry?

Ranger: Yes. If you want, we can still have the meeting. If you want to do it this week, you'll need to meet with Tank and our accountant without me.

Stephanie: Where will you be?

Ranger: Boston.

Stephanie: What about the checks?

Ranger: Don't cash them. Decide what you what to do after the meeting.

Stephanie: Good. But you should have told me first.

Ranger: Agreed.

Stephanie: And . . .

Ranger: (Inhaling deeply.) I'm sorry.

Stephanie: (Gloating.) Thank you.

This was not going so well.

Ranger: This has been exhausting. Do you still want to go shopping?

Stephanie: Of course, I just got my second wind. Time's a-wasting. On to Pino's.

With that, I turned on the engine and finally pulled out of the drop off lane in front of her building and we went to Pino's.

Not only did Babe have her second wind, she apparently had her second appetite. She had two meatball subs and drank a vat of soda. I had my usual salad and bottle of water. The second I ate the last bite of my salad, she was ushering me out the door and had me paying the tab, because we were behind schedule.

While we were driving to the mall, she quizzed me about Julie's likes and dislikes, sizes etc. and finalized her shopping plan. When we finally got to the mall, she instructed me not to park by Macy's, but to park by Lord and Taylor's since it was closer to the Baskin Robbins. It was Military Stephanie in action.

She walked me around the mall at a dizzying pace. In and out of stores. Pointing at this and that and discussing the pros and cons of each. I was dazed and confused. Then she headed me into the entrance of the Build-a-Bear store. When I balked, she rolled her eyes and led me into the store.

Stephanie: This is just the thing.

Ranger: Julie's ten, isn't she a little old for Teddy Bears?

Stephanie: You're never too old for Teddy Bears. Mine still lives in my bedroom at my parents. Where's yours?

Ranger: Cuban children don't have Teddy Bears.

Stephanie: (Giving Ranger a duh look.) Really.

Ranger: My sisters hid mine and never gave it back.

Stephanie: (Smiling.) That explains so much. Is that your deep dark secret?

Ranger: (Glibly.) Yes.

Stephanie took me around the store and explained that we needed to pick a bear, decide on a stuffing, pick clothes and on and on. I've developed rescue missions that were less complicated than building one of these damn bears. But Babe said that Julie would love it, so I soldiered on. We, Stephanie, decided that we needed to get Julie two bears, a daddy bear and a little girl bear. Next, we waded through the clothing aisles, much to Babe's delight.

Stephanie: (Gleefully.) There's so much to choose from. Let's do daddy bear first.

Ranger: (Grunt.)

Stephanie: Look there's a Batman outfit.

Ranger: (Grimacing.) Babe.

Stephanie: What? This is perfect.

Ranger: I'm not Batman to Julie. (Long pause.) If we were getting you a bear, we'd get the Batman outfit.

Stephanie pouted.

Ranger: Would you like a bear in a Batman outfit?

Stephanie nodded.

Ranger: (Smiling.) Okay. But something different for Julie, okay?

Stephanie: Too bad they don't have a Rangeman outfit. (Looking about and then stopping.) Look they have camo outfits.

Ranger: (Inspecting the camo outfit.) This works.

Stephanie: Which one, the regular or the dark.

Ranger: The dark one.

Stephanie: Of course. Good. Now let's dress the girl bear. Did you said that Julie likes ballet and soccer?

Ranger: (Checking his notes.) Yes.

Stephanie: And that she likes pink?

Ranger: (Reading from his notes.) And purple too.

Stephanie: Then I have just the thing. Look at this adorable ballerina outfit.

Ranger: Adorable. And it's pink.

Stephanie: And it has the ballet slippers too.

Ranger: Really adorable.

Stephanie: (Punching Ranger's shoulder.) It is. Since you were never a ten-year-old girl, you don't know just how adorable this outfit is. Or . . . should we get her the pink fancy dress instead?

Ranger: Maybe we should get you the pink fancy dress.

Stephanie: That's okay, I'm getting a Batman bear.

Ranger: You could get a girl bear too, with a pink fancy dress.

Stephanie: And shoes too.

Ranger: Of course. Shoes complete the look.

Stephanie: You are so right about that.

I bought two bears for each of my girls. Julie got a Daddy Bear in dark camo gear and a Little Girl bear in a pink ballerina outfit. Babe got a Batman Bear and a Girl Bear in a pink dress with matching shoes. The store was great about wrapping and shipping Julie's bears. Stephanie's bears came with us.

Babe was as happy as if she'd found a great shoe sale. She looked at my wristwatch. It was eight fifteen. She pronounced that we were on schedule and walked straight to the Baskin Robbins with me following behind with the bears.

Babe stood transfixed in front of the ice cream cases. I think I saw a little bit of drool on her chin. She looked at the menu on the wall and then at the ice cream and then at the wall again. I looked at her, then I looked at the menu. When I asked her if she wanted a banana split, she just nodded.

She very carefully selected the three flavors of ice cream and the three toppings. She licked her lips and sighed when the whipped cream was squirted on the concoction and the cherry was placed on the top. When it was handed to her, I think she quivered. She hummed while she ate. I wanted to be that banana split.

The sugar high must have kicked in because Babe was quiet and almost dreamy on the drive back. I knew that Ella had cake waiting back at my place. I hesitated, but things were going so well that I asked Steph if she wanted to have cake and coffee my place. She just looked at me, sighed and said no. She an early morning the next day and needed to go home. Then she asked if Ella could pack her leftovers and she would pick them up tomorrow.

When I pulled into the parking lot of her building, Morelli's SUV was there. So much for the off period. So much for me walking her into her apartment, kissing her senseless and staying the night.

Babe eyes opened wide when she saw Joe's SUV. She seemed flustered. I leaned over and pulled her very close to me. I thanked her for going shopping with me and gave her my most potent kiss. Morelli may be waiting for her, but she was walking in to her apartment with our bears.

**Chapter 8: Abuela Ana's Encore**

It's five thirty in the morning and I'm hitting the hell out of the punching bag in the Rangeman gym. It's better than the dream that was running through my head. There are two puppies and Babe's standing between them with a treat in her hand. One is yapping, jumping and virtually doing back flips to get her attention. The other does the occasional sniff around her. Babe gives the treat to the sniffer. Morelli's the sniffer. I'm the one doing the back flips.

I'm punching the bag to get the anger and frustration out of my system, so that I can function for the day.

Bastard Morelli. PUNCH! You yell. PUNCH! You whine. PUNCH! You criticize. PUNCH! You undermine. PUNCH! You're on. PUNCH! You're off. PUNCH! And yet Babe continues to sleep with you. PUNCH! Fuck, she loves you. PUNCH!

Ranger, idiot. PUNCH! You flirt. PUNCH! You accept. PUNCH! You care. PUNCH! You protect. PUNCH! You encourage. PUNCH! You help. PUNCH! You smother. PUNCH! The only time she slept with you was when you made the deal. PUNCH! You're faithful. PUNCH! You're always the back-up. PUNCH! You're always second choice. PUNCH! And you love her. PUNCH!

I pummeled that bag for over an hour, then ran five miles and still I couldn't get it out of my system. Morelli was at Babe's last night, when I dropped her off. Yes, she was walking in her apartment with our bears. So what. They probably had a huge fight and then had make up sex.

Face it Manoso, she doesn't love you. You're a convenience. Protect yourself. Walk away. She loves him. And with that, I decided, to stop poaching. I couldn't stop loving her, but I could concede to Morelli and distance myself.

I went to my apartment, showered, shaved, dressed and faced the day. I was leaving for Boston in the afternoon and I had a lot to do in Trenton, before I got on the plane in Newark to fly to Logan.

I scheduled a nine o'clock meeting with Tank in my office. I told him that we needed to hire an administrative assistant. Someone who met our security requirements and who could be the office equivalent of Ella. I suggested that he ask Ella if she would be interested or if she knew someone who would be interested. I told Tank that under no condition would I approve him hiring Stephanie, Lula or Connie for the job. Tank's jaw dropped. I also told him to meet with Stephanie and our accountant to discuss the training and development compensation while I was in Boston. The last thing I told Tank to do was to remove all devices that tracked and recorded Stephanie's whereabouts. Tank's jaw dropped even lower.

Tank: Man what the fuck's the matter with you?

Ranger: (Silence.)

Tank: Right. You just gave me a laundry list to put space between you and Stephanie.

Ranger: And?

Tank: AND, for the past three years, you've been doing everything to keep it up close and personal with her. What the fuck happened?

Ranger: Morelli.

Tank: What's Morelli have to do with this? They're in an off cycle.

Ranger: He's back.

Tank: When?

Ranger: Last night, when I took Stephanie home.

Tank: Damn.

Ranger: She always goes back to him.

Tank: Let me get this straight. You love her. You've pursued her for three years and now you're going to walk away, because she's back with Morelli for the umpteenth time?

Ranger: Yes.

Tank: That's not like you man.

Ranger: I'm cutting my losses. It's the smart move.

Tank: It's a move, but I won't call it smart. I'd call it-

Ranger: (Interrupting.) I know what you'd call it, but I call it over.

Tank glared at me.

Ranger: She keeps going back to Morelli. She loves him.

Tank: She loves you too.

Ranger: Not enough.

Tank: Whatever. But you will regret this decision.

Ranger: I regret that I didn't make it sooner.

Tank left my office grumbling loudly. He didn't have to like what I told him to do. He just had to do it.

oOoOoOo

A little after lunch, Abuela Ana called. I saw her number come up on the caller ID. I considered letting her call go to voice mail, but it wasn't worth it.

Ranger: (Resignedly.) Hola Abuela.

Abuela Ana: You know it's me.

Ranger: Caller ID.

Abuela Ana: (Inhaling deeply.) Did you find a nice gift for Julie?

Ranger: Si Abuela.

Abuela Ana: So tell me about it? Did your Stephanie go shopping with you?

Ranger: Abuela, I'm leaving for Boston in a few hours and I have a lot to do. Can we talk later?

Abuela Ana: You're too busy to talk to the Abuela who loves you and helped raise you.

Ranger: Actually, I am.

Abuela Ana: (Silence.) Fine. I'll talk to Tank. He always takes time for me. Such a good boy. No wonder he's my favorite.

Ranger: I know, I know, he's your favorite. If I was a grandmother, he'd be my favorite too. I'll call you later?

Abuela Ana: Don't-

Ranger: I know, don't get saucy with you. Tell you what. I'll slap myself upside the head a few times. I promise I will call you tonight.

Abuela Ana: I was going to suggest a thirty minute time out, but a few smacks will do it. Call me tonight, but not after ten, now transfer me to Tank.

oOoOoOo

The flight from Newark to Boston took about ninety minutes. I arrived at six and was dialing Abuela at eight.

Ranger: Hola Abuela.

Abuela Ana: Who died?

Ranger: No one.

Abuela Ana: Then who's in the hospital or had an accident?

Ranger: No one.

Abuela Ana: Then why did you call? You don't call just to have a chat with your Abuela. Now Tank, he calls to talk to his Abuela all the time.

Ranger: When did you become Tank's Abuela? Did I miss the adoption announcement?

Abuela Ana: Tank's grandmothers, God rest their souls, are dead. I felt for him in his grandmotherless state and took him in. (Pause.) So why did you call?

Ranger: When we talked this afternoon, I promised to call you.

Abuela Ana: Now I remember, you mean when you cut me off this afternoon, you promised to call.

Ranger: I remembered to call back. You wanted to know about Julie's gift.

Abuela Ana: Tank told me all about it.

Ranger: (Incredulously.) How did Tank know? I didn't tell him.

Abuela Ana: Lula.

Ranger: Of course.

Abuela Ana: A Daddy bear and a little girl bear. Nice. Julie will love it. Do you remember when your sisters hid your bear?

Ranger: Yes.

Abuela Ana: You cried for days.

Ranger: I was five.

Abuela Ana: Your mother coddled you. She didn't breast-feed you, but she coddled you. We all coddled you because you're the baby.

Ranger: My sisters didn't coddle me.

Abuela Ana: What can I say, girls will be girls.

Ranger: They never gave it back.

Abuela Ana: Gave what back Angel?

Ranger: My bear. They never gave it back.

Abuela Ana: Carlito, you're over thirty, get past it.

Ranger: But he was spec-. . . Si Abuela.

Abuela Ana: So why are you pushing Stephanie away? Is it because of the sometime boyfriend?

Ranger: You got this directly from Tank.

Abuela Ana: Of course. He's concerned.

Ranger: (Muttering.) Tattle tell.

Abuela Ana: I heard that young man.

Ranger: Of course you did.

Abuela Ana: So talk to me.

So I did. We talked for over an hour. It was more of an interrogation than a conversation. Abuela would ask questions and I would answer. She would make comments and then ask more questions. I could hear her shaking her head when I told her that I had told Stephanie that I loved her, in my own way. That my love didn't come with a ring. She called me estupido a few times.

After she was done filleting me. She asked if I loved Stephanie. Was I willing to declare my love without qualifiers? Was I willing to make a commitment? In other words, was I ready to be a man in my relationship with Babe?

Abuela Ana: You got bookstores in Boston?

Ranger: There's a few.

Abuela Ana: Good, I saw this special on PBS with this doctor, John Gray. He wrote the Venus and Mars books.

Ranger: Which books?

Abuela Ana: (Very patiently.) The men are from Mars and women are from Venus books. Anyhow, let me tell you, this Dr. Gray, he knows from life. When I was watching his special, there wasn't one thing he said that I disagreed with. Not one thing. He's probably a genius, even if he's not Cuban. You buy one of his books and read it.

Ranger: Which one?

Abuela Ana: It doesn't matter. No, it does matter; you need to get his latest book. The one he mentioned in the special. You read this book and it will help you with Stephanie. You'll have to work at it. Can you do that?

Ranger: Yes.

Abuela Ana: Of course you can, but will you? Do you really love her?

Ranger: Yes.

Abuela Ana: Then try it. If it doesn't work, read Jane Austen.

Ranger: Jane Austen?

Abuela Ana: Trust me, Jane was a master strategist. I know they say she was English, but I think there was some Cuban in her blood. Tank swears by Jane. Her books helped him with Lula.

Ranger: That's comforting.

Abuela Ana: You should be doing as well as Tank in the love department.

That was fun. Open heart surgery without anesthesia.

I called Tank after I spoke to our Abuela.

Ranger: Tank.

Tank: (Sniffling.) Yo.

Ranger: Are you reading _The Kite Runner_ again?

Tank: (Still sniffling.) Damn Skippy. It's a classic. It gets you right here.

Ranger: How many times have you read it?

Tank: This is six.

Ranger: Just wanted to thank you for my homework assignment.

Tank: Uh?

Ranger: I talked to Abuela. You're her favorite you know.

Tank: She mentioned it.

Ranger: I have to go buy some book by some Dr. Gray, because, according to her, he knows from life.

Tank: He does. Abuela recommended that I watch his PBS special, it was excellent.

Ranger: Right. And she recommended that I read Jane Austen.

Tank: You can never go wrong with Jane.

**Chapter 9: Love Stinks**

What in the hell am I doing here. It's Friday evening and I am standing in the checkout line of the Harvard Bookstore with a basket full of tee shirts, office supplies, Jane Austen's novels and the latest from John Gray. What's a Badass like me doing buying a Mars/Venus self-help book? Self-help books are for other people or so I thought until my Abuela told me I was other people.

How in the fuck did this happen? I blame Connie Rosolli. If it weren't for Connie, I wouldn't have agreed to mentor Stephanie, I wouldn't have fallen in love with her and I wouldn't be buying this fucking Mars/Venus book.

From the day Babe called to tell me that Joe Morelli handcuffed her to a shower curtain rod and she needed me to rescue her naked bottom, I've been, well, her puppy. Abuela nailed that one.

The shower incident would have been enough for most women to tell Morelli to take a hike. Yet Babe keeps him around. I've seen how he treats her; I'm not impressed. Why does she put up with his garbage? Maybe he's great in the sack. Maybe he's well hung. Maybe he's her weakness. I just don't know.

So far, nothing I've tried to win her over has worked. I did push her back into Morelli's arms a few times. Estupido! I like having her in my arms. I thought about walking away. I can't. I love her. Now have to figure how to woo Stephanie away from Morelli.

I dragged my packages back to my apartment at Rangeman Boston. Since I needed to work out of this office for a few days next week, I decided to stay over the weekend and do my research.

I called Abuela Ana to tell her that I bought the tee shirts and the John Gray book. This was an offensive strategy. I got voice mail. Then I called Tank.

Ranger: I got the books.

Tank: Which ones?

Ranger: All of them.

Tank: Including the John Gray?

Ranger: Did I not say all of them?

Tank: Don't get your boxers bunched up. I'm just asking. Did you tell Abuela?

Ranger: I left voice mail.

Tank: You better start reading. She'll want a progress report when she calls. (Pause.) I'd start with _Sense and Sensibility_.

Ranger: Why?

Tank: Because one of the book's heroines, the lovely Marianne, has two suitors.

Ranger: Sounds familiar.

Tank: One suitor, the Morelli character, is a cad and other, the Ranger character, is a man of distinction.

Ranger: (Teasing.) There are characters named Morelli and Ranger in the book?

Tank: (Audible sigh.) That is so lame. Out of respect for _my_Jane, I'll forget you said that.

Ranger: C'mon that was funny.

Tank: No, that was pitiful. (Pause.) But seriously, when you're reading Sense, pay attention to how Marianne is persuaded to make the right choice.

Ranger: Good?

Tank: It's fucking masterful.

Ranger: Then what?

Tank: When you're done with Sense, read _Pride and Prejudice_, _Emma_ and _Persuasion_. In that order.

Ranger: Why?

Tank: (Tee hee-ing.) It'll make Sense, once you've done the reading. (Pregnant pause.) Now that was literally funny.

Once again, I was compelled to hang up on Tank. I remembered that I promised to send him on a winter vacation to Greenland. It might not be funny, but it would be fun . . . for me.

I stacked the books on the table in the dining room. I got post-it notes, a pen and a notebook. I set up my study hall and started my homework. I have to say that Jane Austen writes a good book. _Sense and Sensibility_ was a real page-turner, even if it didn't have blood, gore or sex. Tank was right about the persuasion of Marianne, it was fucking masterful. The piano was a nice touch. I took a boatload of notes. Her other books were just as good.

I did a careful read of the John Gray book and took more notes. I could see the things I did right with Babe and many things I could improve on. Hate to admit, but the books helped me to think things through and consider my next steps with Stephanie.

oOoOoOo

The journey on Wednesday from Boston to Trenton took forever. I needed to be in Trenton to meet with a potential client early Thursday morning. I planned to be back in Trenton by noon. There were weather issues so there weren't any flights out of Logan or any of the other nearby airports. I opted to take the train, but the tracks were flooded and the trains weren't moving. Finally, I decided to rent a car and drive back. Normally the drive takes about five hours. Because of the weather, it took eight hours.

I finally got home at nine. I was tired, cranky and hungry. I wanted to get home, eat dinner and sleep. I walked in to my apartment, threw the keys in the bowl in the foyer and was dragging my stuff and me into the living room, when I noticed a Batman bear and a bear in a pink dress sitting on the couch.

I went to the kitchen and saw Rex, Stephanie's hamster, in his cage on the kitchen counter and Babe, wearing one of my Rangeman tee shirts, leaning against the counter munching a sandwich.

Stephanie: (Startled.) You're back.

Ranger: (Looking around.) I am. How long have you been here?

Stephanie: A few days.

Silence

Stephanie: Okay, about five days.

Ranger: That explains Rex.

Silence.

Ranger: Why are you here? Was your apartment torched again?

Stephanie: No.

Ranger: Are you being stalked again?

Stephanie: No.

Ranger: Have you been evicted?

Stephanie: No. Didn't Tank tell you that I was here?

Ranger: Did you tell him you were here?

Stephanie: I thought that he saw me on the monitors and told you.

Ranger: It must have slipped his mind. _(Yeah, right.)_

Silence

Ranger: Back to my question, why are you here?

Everything that I read and thought about completely vanished from my head.

Stephanie: I'm hiding out.

Ranger: I thought that you said that you weren't being stalked.

Stephanie: I'm not. I'm hiding out from Morelli.

I stared at her.

Stephanie: It's not my fault.

Ranger: It never is.

Stephanie: It's your fault.

Ranger: How is it my fault?

Stephanie: The bears. You bought me the bears. When Joe saw them he went ballistic. Especially when he saw that one of them was Batman.

Ranger: You and Morelli argue all the time.

Stephanie: Not all of the time.

Ranger: Often.

Stephanie glared at me.

Ranger: Babe.

Stephanie: It got ugly. He was yelling and making gestures with his arms. He was saying things like 'How come I have a girlfriend who has a friend who gives her cars all the time and buys her bears.' So I told him that you didn't always give me cars.

I looked at Stephanie.

Stephanie: (Continuing.) Then he tried to throw the bears out. I told him to leave and if he didn't trust me then he could just go back to Terry Gilman. Then he stomped out. Since then he's been calling me constantly. He even went to visit my Mom to ask her to speak to me, so she's been calling. And he's been waiting in my parking lot for me.

Ranger: Babe.

Stephanie: _And_ I don't want to see him or talk to him, so I came here.

Ranger: Good to know.

Stephanie: Where have you been?

Ranger: Boston. (Long pause.) I've spent eight hours driving in lousy weather. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I want to eat and I want sleep in my own bed. There's an apartment available on four. I'll call Ella to prep it and you can stay there.

Stephanie: (Whining.) Why can't I stay here? We've shared before.

Ranger: Babe, if you share my bed tonight, be prepared to share it forever.

Stephanie was dumbfounded.

Ranger: You're still having Morelli issues. I want to you stay on the fourth floor.

Stephanie: (Pouting.) You're throwing me out?

Ranger: Not out of the building. (Long pause.) I don't want to be bunkmates.

Stephanie: Then what do you want to be?

Ranger: Babe. I love you.

Stephanie: In your own way!

Ranger: Of course in my own way! How do you expect me to love you? Like Morelli?

Stephanie: He wants to marry me.

Ranger: Only if you quit your job and become a Burg house wife.

Stephanie: (Seething.) At least he wants to commit. As you said, you're not relationship material.

Ranger: I was wrong.

Stephanie looked at me like she was a guppy.

Ranger: No matter how much I tell myself that I'm not relationship material, I'm in relationships.

Stephanie: (Adamantly.) With who?

Ranger: With my daughter, with my family, with my employees and with you. (Silence, then quietly.) The question is, who are you in a relationship with?

Stephanie: (Hesitantly.) I love you.

Ranger: (Evenly.) And Morelli? How do you feel about him?

Stephanie: I love him too.

Ranger: I'm not willing to share.

Stephanie: Morelli's always been around. You've been engaging in poachful activities since you first kissed me.

Ranger: You're right. But no more.

Stephanie: But . . .

Ranger: I want a real relationship, not leftovers.

She frowned at me.

Ranger: You need to make a decision. It's either Morelli or me. You need to go to the fourth floor. Think about this. Take your time. When you've made your decision, tell me. I'll respect your choice.

With that, I called Ella and asked her to prep the empty apartment. I put the bears in Babe's arms, picked up Rex's cage and my keys and escorted her to the fourth floor.

**Chapter 10: Love Stinks, Again**

When I came back to my apartment, I locked the dead bolt on my door. I shed my clothes, took a shower and was climbing in bed when the doorbell rang. I planned to ignore it, but the bell rang again.

Stephanie: Ranger, open the door.

I quickly found some clothes and hastily dressed.

Stephanie: (Ringing the bell again.) Open the door. Let me in.

I opened the door. Babe stumbled as she entered the apartment.

Stephanie: Yeesh! What's with the lock, I couldn't get in.

Ranger: (Rubbing his face with his hands.) I wanted to sleep.

Stephanie: Did I wake you?

Ranger: No.

Stephanie: I didn't expect it to be locked. You never lock the door.

Ranger: I do when I want to sleep.

Stephanie: Uh. Good to know. (Pause.) It's too quiet on the fourth floor.

Ranger: It's quieter here.

Stephanie: I know, but it's a nicer quiet.

Ranger: (Very patiently.) What's this about?

Stephanie: I don't want to be alone. I don't want to stay on the fourth floor.

Ranger: (Gently teasing.) Is this about my sheets?

Stephanie: (Nodding.) Kinda.

Ranger: You stay here and I'll go to the fourth floor.

Stephanie: You could stay here and I could stay on the couch wrapped up in one of your wonderful sheets.

Ranger: Not a good idea.

Stephanie: Why?

Ranger: (Smiling.) Because then you'll want a pillow and then a blanket. Then the couch won't be wide enough or whatever enough. Then you'll end up sleeping in my bed.

Stephanie: (Indignant and stammering.) Definitely not . . . Probably not . . . At the very least, maybe not.

Ranger: (Still smiling.) And if we're in bed together, you'll fondle me in your sleep.

Stephanie: Will not.

Ranger: (Staring at Stephanie.) Babe.

Stephanie: (Still stammering.) Okay, I might, but I wouldn't mean to um, fondle, you.

Ranger: Really.

Stephanie: It's just that you smell so good.

Ranger: Is that all?

Stephanie: Yeah . . . well most of it.

Ranger: If you fondle me, I'll consider that partial consent and I'll respond.

Stephanie: Oh.

Ranger: Then something will happen. Grandma Mazur will show up or your Mom will call or you'll have a pang of Morelli guilt.

Stephanie: That does seem to happen.

Ranger: It's damn frustrating.

Stephanie: Are you frustrated?

Ranger: More than you can imagine. A lesser man would be suicidal.

Stephanie: And you're not a lesser man?

Ranger: Not in any way.

Stephanie: And a lesser man would be?

Ranger: (After a beat.) Morelli. (Long pause.) I'll go to the fourth floor. I'm only being this civilized because I'm exhausted._ (And because I needed Stephanie to decide between Morelli and me.)_

Stephanie: (Huffing.) Forget it. I wouldn't want to displace you.

Ranger: What do you want?

Stephanie: (Blinking back a tear.) I don't know.

This time I escorted myself to the apartment on the fourth floor.

The next morning at five thirty, I was in the Rangeman gym pounding the punching bag. At seven, I called Ella to ask her to bring my breakfast and my clothes to the fourth floor. When Ella arrived with breakfast and my clothes, she was in her usual fine spirits.

Ella: Ranger, welcome back.

Ranger: Good Morning.

Ella: How was Boston? Did you get a lot of reading done?

Ranger: (Silently sighing.) I did. And I did some shopping for Julie.

Ella: Did you get the tee shirts?

Ranger: I did and I got some for Elena, Emilio and Sherman.

Ella: Sherman? Who's Sherman?

Ranger: Julie's dog.

Ella: Sherman? I thought his name was Tank. That's what I was told.

Ranger: Who told you?

Ella: Tank.

Ranger: (Rolling his eyes.) No, the little fur ball is named Sherman. His middle name is Tank. (Stammering slightly.) Never mind. May I ask you to send the tee shirts to Miami?

Ella: Yes, of course. I'll wrap Julie's in pink paper with a purple bow, because

Ranger: (Gently interrupting.) Because pink and purple are Julie's favorite colors. Thank you for remembering.

Ella: Of course. May I ask why you aren't having breakfast in your apartment with Stephanie?

I was ready to glare at Ella, but I couldn't. She's so nice. If I did, somehow my Abuela would know and give me a time out.

Ranger: It's complicated.

Ella: I'm sure that it is. (Short pause.) Remember to call Julie. Tell her that she should be expecting a package in the mail soon. I'll send it today.

Ranger: Thank you Ella. Tell Louis I'll stop in sometime today.

It was another typical first day back at the office. A lot of catch up and meetings. My schedule for the day included an afternoon meeting with Tank and Stephanie. Something to look forward to.

My mail included a letter from Julie thanking me for the bears. With the letter was a photograph of Julie and the bears. Cute. I'll ask Ella to get a frame for it. I'm sure that Rachel prodded her to write the letter. Who cares? I was having a Dad moment.

The day went quickly. I looked at the clock; it was time to meet with Stephanie and Tank in the conference room.

Tank: Ranger, I wanted to us to meet so that we can discuss Stephanie's role as our training and development person.

Ranger: Is this the result of your meeting with Manny?

Manny is Emanuel Cortez, Rangeman's accountant.

Stephanie: (Nodding.) Manny explained that if I agreed to work at Rangeman on a part-time basis, that I would be entitled to Rangeman benefits.

Ranger: And that's of interest to you?

Stephanie: Vinnie doesn't offer medical.

Tank: Manny also explained that to be entitled for benefits, Steph has to work a thousand hours per year, which averages to approximately twenty hours a week.

Ranger: Okay, how do we propose to work this since Stephanie will only be working as Rangeman's Training and Development person when we have to protect her?

Stephanie: Or when I'm helping Rangeman with a case.

Ranger: Right.

Tank: Here's my thinking on the matter. We pay Stephanie for twenty hours of work weekly. When she's needs protecting or when she's assisting us on a case that can be more than twenty hours for a week. Based on my analysis of past events, her work for Rangeman should average twenty hours a week.

Stephanie: What if it averages to more than twenty hours a week?

Tank: (Thoughtfully.) Then we'll review the matter. If needed, we'll do a true up.

Ranger: Stephanie, is this acceptable to you?

Stephanie: I think so. (Pause.) We haven't discussed pay.

Ranger: (To Tank.) I'll let you discuss this with Stephanie. (To Stephanie and Tank.) I'll need to know when you come to a decision.

Stephanie: (To Ranger.) You're being so businesslike.

Ranger: Babe, Rangeman is a business.

Stephanie: Oh. Right.

Ranger: (Somewhat crisply.) If you agree, I want to be clear that we will track you only when there is a business reason to do so.

Stephanie: (A bit confused.) Why? It'll be strange not to be tracked.

Tank: Steph, we only tracked you twenty-four, seven when you were in danger. It's just that you've needed protecting so often, it seems like we've been constantly watching over you.

Ranger: (Continuing to be crisp.) Besides, if we track you only on an as needed basis, the tracking expenses will support that you were doing training and development.

Stephanie: Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

Ranger: It does. I'm going to let you and Tank to discuss salary and the other conditions of employment.

Stephanie: Such as?

Ranger: Wearing black and target practice.

With that, I ended my part of the meeting and left the conference room. That went better than expected.

I called Julie and told her to expect a package in the mail. She sounded excited. She pleaded with me to tell her what it was, but I didn't give in. Then she updated me on school and the fur ball. I am not looking forward to when she starts giving me updates on boys. I know the day will come when I will have to maim some young Lothario for trying to get too close to my baby girl.

I called Abuela. I think she had arrhythmia when she realized that I called without prompting. We discussed the Stephanie situation. She thought I was brave to ask Stephanie to make a choice between Morelli and me so soon. She told me to practice saying 'Stephanie, I wish you every happiness with Morelli' just in case. Then she called me estupido.

Then Tank came in to tell me that he and Stephanie had come to an agreement regarding salary and that she was now a part time Rangeman employee. Then he asked why I was being so crisp with Stephanie. After I glared at him, I reminded him to pack his gear for Greenland for not telling me that Stephanie had moved in to my place. I don't remember his answer because I was mentally seeing him freeze his ass off in a blizzard. When Tank asked for an update of the Stephanie situation, I told him what I told Abuela. He punched me in the arm and called me estupido.

The next day, the wind swept me away for a month.

**Chapter 11: Tank Talks Tough**

I returned from a month in the wind. It was, I can't even mention to myself or I would have to kill myself. I was glad to be back in Trenton. I was looking forward to showers, my own bed and Ella's cooking. Hell, I was even looking forward to Tank's mothering. Then there was Babe. I wasn't sure what was up with her. Hell, she and Morelli could be married.

It was late at night when walked into my foyer. I noticed that something was different. Beside the bowl on the table were two photographs in handsome frames. One was the photograph of Julie with the bears. The other one I hadn't seen. It was of Julie and the fur ball in their Harvard tee shirts. There was an inscription that read: 'Daddy, Thanks! I love you! Julie'. I like that she calls me Daddy. I looked at the picture and said I love you too, Hija. Finding the pictures on the table was welcoming and comforting. I knew that this was Ella's doing. I would have to remember to thank her.

I walked into the bedroom, shed my clothes and took a long warm shower. I fell into the bed and slept for hours. I was still sleeping when I hear a knock on the bedroom door.

Ella: Ranger?

I was sure that someone in the control room notified Ella that I was back.

Ranger: Yes Ella.

Ella: I have breakfast for you, if you want it.

Ranger: Yes, I'll be out in a moment.

I quickly washed my face, brushed my teeth and dressed. I was walking into the dining room as Ella was filling a plate with scrambled egg whites, bacon, hash browns and fresh fruit. I sat down at the table and Ella put the plate in front of me. I frowned at the food on the plate.

Ella: I didn't have time to get you salmon.

Ranger: I know, but I-

Ella: (Gently interrupting.) I know that you don't eat bacon and hash browns often. But, I know that you like them because you come to my apartment when I make them for Louis.

Ranger: That's because Louis invites me and-

Ella: (Gently interrupting again.) Louis calls you because he knows you like them, but won't eat them by yourself.

Ranger: True.

Ella: Besides, I thought you might like some real food as a homecoming.

Ranger: (Nodding.) Thank you. I noticed the pictures when I came in. When did the picture of Julie and the fur ball come?

Ella: A few weeks ago. (Smiling.) Your Julie and her Sherman are so cute. So Latino ivy-league. Your Abuela had Rachel send the picture to me, since you were in the wind.

Ranger: I see. Thank you for having them framed. It was good to see Julie's pictures when I walked in. The frames are nice. Did you have the decorator pick them out?

Ella: (Shaking her head.) No Hector helped me pick out the frames.

Ranger: Hector?

Ella: Hector has beautiful taste. Have you seen his apartment?

Ranger: No.

Ella: It's fabulous.

Ranger: You've been?

Ella: (Nodding.) He invites Louis and me to dinner sometimes. His partner, Juan, is a wonderful cook. We swap recipes. So when I wanted to get the pictures framed. I asked Hector to go shopping with me. (Pause.) I think they're handsome frames.

Ranger: (Nodding in agreement.) Maybe we should have Hector do the decorating when we redo the apartments on four.

Ella: Good idea, but not until he's done helping me with my place.

As we were talking, Ella toasted a bagel which she lightly buttered and then schmeared with cream cheese. She placed the bagel on a smaller plate and handed it to me. I ate my guilty pleasure breakfast and enjoyed every bite. It was nice to be home.

I braced myself for the first day back. I went to the fifth floor, walked around to make my presence known and then went into my office. Tank waited for a few hours to let me catch up on mail and messages before he poked his head into my office.

We went over the details of the business while I was in the wind. The business was doing well, existing clients were retained and satisfied, a few new clients were signed, skip-tracing revenues had increased and there were no major personnel issues. Tank was still looking for an administrative assistant, but he said that filling the position could take months. Then Tank got to the real items on his agenda.

Tank: Did you see the picture of Julie and my namesake in their Harvard tee shirts?

Ranger: Yes. It was the first thing I saw when I walked into the apartment. It was on the table in the foyer in a good-looking frame.

Tank: It is a good-looking frame. Hector has good taste.

Ranger: Apparently.

Tank: Have you seen his apartment?

Ranger: No. Have you?

Tank: Yes. It's really nice. Hector and his partner, Juan, invite me and Lula for dinner sometimes. Juan is one hell of a cook. Almost as good as Ella.

Ranger: So I hear. Together they make a gay Latino Martha Stewart.

Tank: Damn Skippy. We should have Hector do the decorating when we redo the apartments on four. It'll be a lot cheaper than using your fancy-ass decorator and just as nice.

Ranger: That's what Ella suggested. But she said we can't use him until he's done with her place.

Tank: Damn, I forgot, Lula wants Hector to do our place.

Ranger: Your place? Are congratulations in order?

Tank: Yeah, Lula and I are moving in together. We're looking for a house that's big enough for me to keep the cats and keep Lula's allergies in check and lots of closets for Lula's wardrobe.

Ranger: So you're looking for a McMansion?

Tank: Pretty much. So you liked the picture. That's one good looking puppy. He's fucking adorable.

I glared at Tank.

Tank: (Chuckling.) And Julie's as cute as can be. She's going to be a beauty when she grows up.

Ranger: I know. I'm hoping she'll continue to be bookish that only nerds and geeks will be interested in her.

Tank: Forget that. When she's in high school we'll have the Miami office busy watching over her.

Ranger: Only if the men in that office realize that I will kill them, if they have one improper thought about my daughter.

Tank: (Chuckling.) Well you could always send her to a convent school.

Ranger: (Looking at Tank and smiling.) That's worth thinking about. I'll talk to Rachel and Ron.

Tank: (Glaring.) No, you will not.

Ranger: She's my kid.

Tank: Have her go to high school in Trenton. Then you can play Daddy Bodyguard.

I thought about that. It was a viable idea.

Tank: Speaking of being a Daddy.

Ranger: Lula's pregnant?

Tank: No. You know after what Ramirez did to her, we probably won't be able to get pregnant. We're thinking adoption. But that's not what I wanted to say.

Ranger: Well?

Tank: The next time you're summoned to go on a mission, you have a short list that you have to call.

Ranger: Who?

Tank: (Rolling his eyes and then shaking his head.) Who? Man, like it or not, you do not live in a vacuum. You need to call Julie, your mom, our Abuela and Stephanie.

Ranger: Why? You know how it is when I get the call. There's hardly time to get packed. You can tell them. (After a few beats.) You always have.

Tank: Here's the thing. I don't want to tell them and I do not want to deal with the fall out. I'm not doing it any more. These are the women in _your_ life and they want to hear it from you.

Ranger: If you were called in to the wind, I'll tell Lula.

Tank: Man, I wouldn't want you to tell Lula, I'd want to do it myself. How long does it take to call and say 'I've been called into the wind. I'll be offline for x amount of time. Love you.'? What? A minute tops. And you're only calling four women, so we're talking less than five minutes. This is your responsibility. Man-up. Especially with Julie.

Ranger: Why especially with Julie?

Tank: Because of the Scrog thing. Abuela told me that Julie was scared that you would get killed when you were out of pocket. Finding out that you were on a mission third hand does not instill trust.

Ranger: (Softly.) I didn't think about that. (Pause, then thoughtfully.) I could have gotten killed. I don't want to scare her.

Tank: Not knowing you were on a mission was scary for her. Man, she's only ten.

Ranger: And knowing when I'm on a mission would make it easy for her?

Tank: No, but it would make it easier for her to understand if you were hurt or killed. Finding out that kind of thing cold is hard. She's been through a lot.

Man-up, another way of saying I wasn't a man. And this time from Tank. I'd have reamed him out and fired his ass, but he's a partner and valuable to Rangeman. And damn it, I think he's right.

Ranger: How's Stephanie?

Tank: Not sure. She's hasn't been stalked, so we haven't needed to track her. According to Lula, she's okay.

Ranger: And the Morelli situation?

Tank: Been on and off.

Ranger: Do we know if it's on or off?

Tank: Man, pick up the phone and call her. Tell her you're back. Ask her out for dinner. You'll find out what you need to know.

Tank left my office after we finished up with some administrative housekeeping. I kept busy catching up. At four, I took a break. I called Julie, Mama and Abuela to tell them that I was back. I heard sighs of relief from each one. They all had the same questions about my mission, about my well-being and about my safety. Each one sobbed a bit to learn that I was fine. I promised then that I would visit them soon. I waited a few hours before I called Stephanie.

Stephanie: (Answering her phone.) Yo.

Ranger: (Smiling.) Yo yourself.

Stephanie: How was the wind?

Ranger: It blew me back.

Stephanie: So I hear.

Ranger: Are you free for dinner tomorrow?

Stephanie: Got plans. (Slight pause.) I'm free for lunch.

Ranger: Marsilio's?

Stephanie: Yum.

Ranger: I'll take that as a yes.

Stephanie: That would be a yummy yes.

Ranger: Pick you up at the bonds office at one?

Stephanie: No. Hectic morning. I'll meet you there.

Ranger: Good.

Stephanie: Okay. See you then.

**Chapter 12: Table for Two**

I got up earlier than usual and worked out longer than usual. Just getting back to my normal routine. Or was I? Was I anxious about meeting Stephanie for lunch? Why? I had lunch with her often. I spent time figuring out if I wanted to dress as Business Ranger, Casual Ranger or Work Ranger. I finally decided that Work Ranger was the way to go, since I didn't want to appear that this lunch was more than a lunch. I had more confidence when I was a scrawny thirteen year old who got beat up regularly.

I worked in my office that morning, still catching up. Tank popped in to ask a question. We discussed business for a moment.

Tank: Want to grab lunch later?

Ranger: Got plans.

Tank: I didn't see anything on your calendar.

Ranger: When did you become my social secretary?

Tank: Whoa! Just askin'. What's with the look? You made the rules about the calendar.

Ranger: (Running his hands through his hair.) Right.

Tank: I'll put it on the calendar. Time, business or personal.

Ranger: (Snapping.) One. Personal.

Tank: Again, just asking. If it were business, I'd want to know the restaurant. But since it's personal, I'll code it offline.

Ranger: We need an admin to take care of this kind of shit.

Tank: I know. I'm looking. There's not a lot of qualified candidates out there. And you won't let me ask Connie, Lula or Steph about it.

Ranger: Tank, we've discussed this.

Tank: Not to my satisfaction.

Ranger: One, You have a personal relationship with Lula, so working together isn't good. Two, Vinnie would be pissed if we hired Connie and that could affect skip referrals. Three, Stephanie-

Tank: (Interrupting.) What about Steph? She knows the team and the organization.

Ranger: She already works for us part time.

Tank: So we could hire her full time. She could be our admin when she's not doing T&D.

Ranger: T&D?

Tank: Training and development.

Ranger: Still don't think it's a good idea. She'd be bored being our admin.

Tank: Don't know unless we ask.

Ranger: No.

Tank: (Long pause.) I get it. You don't want Steph in the office everyday cause of your, um, feelings for her.

Ranger: (Pause.) It could make the work situation difficult.

Tank: Uh. I think we should ask her. Are you having lunch with Steph today?

Ranger: Yes.

Tank: That explains it.

Ranger: Explains what?

Tank: Why you're acting all PMS-y. (Pause.) Where are you taking her?

Ranger: Marsilio's.

Tank: Good choice. Remember to think Jane.

Ranger: Think Jane?

Tank: (Muttering.) That mission must have really gotten to you. (Teasing.) Jane Austen . . . Marianne . . . Two suitors . . . Sense and Sensibility. (Waits a few beats.) Have you learned nothing?

Ranger: Right. (Pause.) Tank, I have something for you.

I looked around my desktop. I found a recent issue of National Geographic that had a feature article on Greenland. I handed it to Tank.

Ranger: Here's your reading assignment. Call the travel agent and book your flight for Greenland. You can leave on December twenty-third and come back a month later.

Tank: Man, that's cold.

Ranger: Very.

Tank: (Chuckling.) You're playin' with me, so I'll just ignore that.

Ranger: Fine. I'll make the arrangements when I come back from lunch.

Tank: (Giving a finger wave as he leaves Ranger's office, then blowing air kisses.) Tell Steph I said hi.

Maybe I'll buy out Tank's share of the partnership. It will be expensive, but worth it. But not until he comes back from Greenland.

I left the office and drove to Marsilio's. As usual, I was early and Stephanie was late. I was seated at our table when she arrived. I had ordered red wine for her and water for me. The drinks were at the table when she sat down.

Stephanie: Yeesh. It's been a busy morning.

Ranger: Chasing skips?

Stephanie: Worse. Grocery shopping and errands. What? I'm making dinner tonight for Grandma Mazur and Grandma Bella.

Ranger: (Stunned disbelief.) Why?

Stephanie: They don't get along well. Since we may be family soon, I thought they should try to bury the hatchet.

Ranger: (Teasing.) You're cooking so they have something to agree on?

Stephanie: I cook.

Ranger: You're serving peanut butter and olive sandwiches?

Stephanie: I'm making meatloaf. My Mom's coming over to help.

I was going to say Proud of you or you never disappoint. But I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

Ranger: Oh. (Pause.) What's Morelli think of this?

Stephanie: He's all for it. He doesn't want holiday meals and family gatherings to end up in fistfights.

The waiter came by to take our orders. I ordered chicken and steamed vegetables. Stephanie had her usual fettuccine alfredo with sausage. It took me a minute to regroup.

Ranger: Should I offer you my congratulations?

Stephanie: Not yet. Morelli and I are taking a stab at living together. We're talking marriage, but I want to live together for a while. After the Dickie fiasco, I'm gun shy of marriage.

Ranger: The Dickie fiasco was years ago.

Stephanie: I know, but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Especially if I see Joyce, the skank whore, Barnhart.

The waiter came with our food. I swallowed hard. I thought of Tank, Abuela and Jane.

Ranger: I wish you every happiness with Morelli.

Stephanie: Do you mean that?

Ranger: No.

Stephanie: Uh?

Ranger: I want you to be happy. I don't want it to be with Morelli.

Stephanie: Then who do you want me to be happy with?

Ranger: Me. I love you and I'm in love with you.

Stephanie: (Doing an imitation of a fish.) You're in love with me?

Ranger: I have been for a while.

Stephanie: When did you know this?

Ranger: I've been in love with you since DeChooch.

Stephanie: Why are you telling me this?

Ranger: Scrog.

Stephanie: Scrog?

Ranger: Scrog made me rethink things.

Stephanie: Like?

Ranger: You. Julie.

Stephanie: (Looking at Ranger.)

Ranger: I thought that if I were distant and kept the people I love at arm's length that they would be protected. I was wrong. It didn't matter how much I prepared or tried to minimize risk, Scrog got to you and Julie. Distance didn't protect Julie. It didn't protect you. And it hurt me.

Stephanie: Well yeah. You got shot.

Ranger: That's not what I meant.

Stephanie: (Stammering.) What did you mean?

Ranger: I realized how much I missed.

Stephanie: Uh.

Ranger: I missed the first ten years of Julie's life because I thought it would be safer for her. It wasn't. I'm not going to miss the rest of her life.

Stephanie: (Silence.)

Ranger: And I played with you, when I should have told you and showed you that I love you.

Stephanie: You told me you loved me.

Ranger: With qualifiers. (Long pause.) I love you unconditionally . . . almost.

Stephanie: Almost! Isn't that a qualifier?

Ranger: The almost refers to Morelli.

Stephanie: Joe loves me!

Ranger: Granted. But does he love you unconditionally?

Stephanie: Yes!

Ranger: Really? How many changes have you had to make since moving in with him?

Stephanie: Some.

Ranger: Such as? Are you still working for Vinnie?

Stephanie: No.

Ranger: Are you still working for Rangeman?

Stephanie: No.

Ranger: Are you becoming a 'Stepford' burg house wife?

Stephanie: Kinda . . . Wait! burg yes. Stepford, no.

Ranger: (Staring intensely at Stephanie.) Were these your choices or Morelli's conditions?

Stephanie stared at me.

Ranger: Then who are you? Your version of Stephanie or Morelli's 'Stepford' burg version?

Stephanie: (Eyes welling up with tears.) If you love me why are you saying such mean things to me?

Ranger: I'm saying them because I love you.

Stephanie: What?

Ranger: I don't want you to change. What I do want is a chance to try to have a real relationship with you without background noise.

Stephanie: Background noise?

Ranger: Morelli. (Pause.) I just want a chance.

Stephanie: (Briskly.) Don't you mean an opportunity to get into my pants?

Ranger: (Rubbing his face with his hands.) Yes. And more.

Stephanie: More? You've already given me more cars than I can count and a job.

Ranger: I meant my affection, my respect, my love.

Stephanie: Morelli loves me.

Ranger: Is he in love with you?

Stephanie: Yes.

Ranger: Are you in love with him?

Stephanie looked at her plate.

Ranger: Are you in love with me?

Stephanie: (Quietly.) What if I took a chance with you and it didn't work?

Ranger: Babe. (After a few beats.) Nothing's guaranteed. But I would try my best.

Stephanie: I don't know. (Very long pause.) I'm with Joe now.

Ranger: Stephanie, will you do me a favor? (Pause.) Please.

Stephanie: What?

Ranger: Think about it. I have a good life, but it would be better if you were in it.

Stephanie: I am in it.

Ranger: No, really in it, as a friend, a lover, a companion, a partner.

Stephanie: A spouse?

Ranger: Yes. Think about it.

For the first time since I've known her, Stephanie didn't want dessert. She left hastily, saying something about meeting her mother and making dinner. She gave me a perfunctory kiss on the cheek and left. I was so confused by our conversation, that I ordered tiramisu for dessert.

**Chapter 13: Around the Table**

I came back to Rangeman dazed and confused. I went directly to my office, closed the door, sat at my desk and stared blankly at my computer. A little while later, Tank rapped on the door and came into my office.

Tank: (Taking one look at Ranger.) That must have been some lunch.

Ranger: I had dessert.

Tank: Say what?

Ranger: Tiramisu . . . I had tiramisu for dessert.

Tank: (Batting his eyes.) Ahhh, were you makin' nice with Steph?

Ranger: She didn't want dessert. She left before I ordered it.

Tank: No way!

Ranger: Way.

Tank: What in the hell went wro-, er, I mean, what happened?

I was just starting to tell Tank about my lunch with Babe, when he shushed me. He shushed me!

Tank: Before you get started, I think we need to call in the pros.

With that, he called Ella and asked her to meet us in the conference room immediately. He rousted me out of my office and pushed me down the hall to the conference room. Ella arrived a few minutes later. Tank called Abuela Ana and asked if she had time to take a conference call. Of course she was available, but only if her friend Irv Saperstein could join in the call. Tank looked at my shell-shocked expression and agreed. He put Abuela and Irv on speakerphone.

Tank: First to start this, um, here meeting, I want to say that Ranger had lunch with Stephanie today.

Ella, Abuela and Irv said "Ahhh!"

Tank: Usually. (Looking at Ranger.) But, well, um, tell 'em. Tell 'em what you just told me.

Ranger: (Glaring at Tank and then meekly grinning at Ella.) I had dessert.

Ella and Abuela audibly gasped.

Abuela: What did you have, Angel?

Ranger: Tiramisu.

Abuela Ana: Not flan?

Ranger: It wasn't on the menu.

Ella: You like tiramisu?

Ranger: Surprisingly.

Ella: I don't have a recipe.

Abuela: I don't have a recipe either.

Tank: Maybe Juan has one?

Ella: He might.

Abuela Ana: Good thought, Tank.

Irv: Ahem, I have a recipe.

Abuela Ana: You do?

Irv: I'll e-mail to you.

Tank: Hey Man, thanks.

Ranger: You don't need to get the recipe, I don't eat dessert.

Tank: I like dessert.

Ella: Louis likes dessert. Tank likes dessert. I could make it for Tank and Louis. Louis can call you when I make it so you can have a taste. Thanks Irv.

Abuela Ana: (To Irv.) You're so cute. Will you make it when Carlito comes to visit?

Ranger: Abuela!

Abuela Ana: Carlito, that was one.

Tank: Now tell everyone the rest of it.

Ranger: (Glaring.)

Tank: To save time, Stephanie, who's is in the dessert eater's hall of fame, skipped dessert and left lunch early, leaving Range-, I mean Carlito, alone with his tiramisu.

Ranger: It wasn't like that. I ordered dessert after she left.

Everyone gasped.

Abuela Ana: What happened?

I shrugged.

Tank: Ranger, Abuela can't hear you shrug your shoulders.

Abuela Ana: Actually, I can.

Tank: Really?

Abuela Ana: What can I say? It's a gift.

Tank: Damn Skippy.

Abuela Ana: Tank, language.

Tank: Sorry.

Irv: Did you think Jane?

Ranger: Thought so.

What in the hell? Did everyone in the universe know that I was reading Jane Austen for guidance? Apparently. I proceeded to tell the group about my lunch with Babe.

Ella: Stephanie's making dinner?

Ranger: That's what she said.

Ella: For Grandma Mazur and Grandma Bella.

Ranger: Yes.

Tank: You're funning me, right?

Ranger: No.

Tank: What's she going to make, peanut butter and olive sandwiches?

Ranger: Babe's going gourmet; she's going to put potato chips on the sandwiches too.

Irv: Is she going to garnish with jelly beans?

Ranger: (Pregnant pause.) She said she's going to make meat loaf.

Tank: What in the hell? I know Abuela, language.

Ranger: She said she's doing the diplomacy thing since the grannies don't play nice together and they may all be family someday.

Ella: Why would she want to do it? Does she have a death wish?

Ranger: She's living with Morelli.

All: Again?

Ranger: She said it's for real this time. They're talking marriage.

Tank: (Shaking his head.) Who would have ever thunk it? (After a beat.) In the spirit of _my_ Jane, did you wish her every happiness?

Ranger: The words came out of my mouth.

Ella: But?

Ranger: But I didn't mean it.

Tank: She figured that out?

Ranger: Right after I told her.

Abuela Ana: Told her what, my darling boy?

Ranger: That I wished her happiness, but not with Morelli.

Tank: (Waving his forefinger in Ranger's face.) I think I need to quote Lula here, 'Oh no you didn't.'

Ranger: (Waving his forefinger in Tank's face.) Oh yes I did.

Abuela Ana: Estupido! (Pause.) Carlito, that was two.

Ranger: Damn

Abuela Ana: Language! Don't make me be strict with you in front of everyone.

Ella: What happened next?

Ranger: I told her that I wanted her to be happy. (Pause.) With me.

Irv: That was nice. Don't you think so Dear?

Did that man just call my Abuela dear?

Abuela Ana: Maybe. Maybe I take back the estupido. Maybe.

I continued telling the assembled masses about lunch with Babe.

Tank: You called Steph a Stepford burg house wife?

Ranger: No. (Pause.) I asked her if she was becoming one.

Abuela Ana: I'm not going to take back the estupido. It stays. (Brief pause.) Carlito that was three. Take a thirty minute time out.

Time out! I've done missions in third world countries. I've built my own business. I've fathered a daughter. I'm a Badass. I'm not taking a time out.

Irv: Ana, why are you being so hard on the boy?

Boy? I'm a man. Aren't I? It was silent for a while. I could tell that Abuela was glaring at Irv.

Ella: Why would you say something so mean to someone –

Tank: Yeah, why?

Ranger: I wanted to show her that Morelli's love is conditional and mine isn't.

Irv: Excuse me son, I know that I don't know you, but there had to be a better way of making your point. That was an opportunity to win the hand of the fair maiden.

Ranger: The fair maiden can be headstrong. (After a few beats.) Point taken.

Ella: Is your love for Stephanie unconditional?

Ranger: Almost.

Abuela Ana: Almost. What's this almost?

Ranger: Morelli. If he were out of the picture, I would love her unconditionally.

More silence.

Ella: Ranger, it's time to man up, you need to show Stephanie that you're feelings for her are unconditional, Morelli or no Morelli.

Abuela Ana: Damn Skippy.

Tank: (Laughing.) Abuela, language!

With that, the meeting of the minds wrapped up. This was tougher than my last mission. I did need that time out. I was tired. I needed a nap. I needed to think about everything, tomorrow. Damn, dessert, sleep and denial. Next, I'll be buying a rodent for a pet and crying at funerals, anybody's funeral.

The next day, I asked Tank if Stephanie was still on the payroll. He looked at me as if I were crazy and reminded me that we agreed to pay her a weekly salary for twenty hours of work. I told him that Babe said she wasn't working for Vinnie. We discussed the likelihood of Babe being stalked if she wasn't working for Vinnie. We discussed whether to keep her on the payroll. Tank finally said that we should keep her on the payroll given the longevity of her past cohabitation experiments with Morelli. I agreed with Tank and we decided to keep Stephanie on Rangeman's payroll.

About a week later, I was at Vinnie's to discuss a few business propositions and to pick up the skip files for Rangeman. When I walked out of Vinnie's office, I saw Babe talking with Connie and Lula. I pulled her ponytail and asked if I could talk with her outside. She agreed. We both walked out of Vinnie's to where the Porsche was parked. I leaned against the Porsche.

Ranger: How was dinner with the Grandmas?

Stephanie: It was a disaster.

**Chapter 14: Around Another Table**

Babe started to blink back some tears. I took her in my arms and held her. Then she started to sob. Yeesh! I noticed that women cry when they are around me, first Julie now Babe. And like Julie, Babe was really crying. I wasn't really sure what to do. Abuela wasn't around to coach me. So I just continued to hold her. Eventually her crying started to subside.

Ranger: Babe. Do you want to talk about it?

That should win me a few Jane points.

Stephanie sniffled and nodded.

Ranger: Do you need a doughnut or a dozen?

I can't believe that I said that. Surely, that has to win me some Jane points.

She nodded.

I ushered Stephanie in to the car and drove to the Tasty Pastry. When we went into the Tasty Pastry, Babe inhaled deeply a few times and her breathing started to become regular. Then she looked at the cannoli case and started to weep again. I pointed to the doughnuts and asked what she wanted. Again, a few deep breaths and Babe seemed to be doing better. She ordered a dozen doughnuts, six Boston cream and six jelly. She saw a small cake that was dripping with icing roses that said Happy Birthday Santina in the day old section and started to drool. We bought Santina's birthday too. I should be swimming in Jane points.

We got back in the car and asked where we should go to talk? Did she want me to take her to her apartment? She started crying again.

Stephanie: I can't go back to my apartment.

Ranger: Why?

Stephanie: Because I don't have an apartment. I moved out when I moved in with Morelli.

Ranger: Didn't you keep it, like always?

Stephanie: It's your fault.

Ranger: Babe.

Stephanie: You told me to choose between you and Morelli.

I bit down on my tongue.

Stephanie: When I decided to move in with Morelli, he insisted that I give up the apartment to show that I was serious about our relationship.

Ranger: Good to know. (After a few beats.) I'll call Ella and have her make coffee for us.

Stephanie nodded. I called Ella, asked her to make coffee for Babe and me and told her that we would be at my apartment in ten minutes. We got to my apartment, Ella had everything arranged for us to have coffee in the dining room. Stephanie sat at the table with her doughnuts and cake in front of her. I handed her a plate and a fork. I sat adjacent to her.

Ranger: (Gingerly.) What happened at the dinner with the Grandmas?

I decided to be Switzerland and take a neutral position. My job was to listen, nod my head and be supportive. And I was going to do my job, damn it, even if it meant that I might sever my tongue from biting it.

Stephanie: (Devouring a Boston cream doughnut.) Did I tell you that I was making dinner and that my Mom was going to help?

Ranger: (Nodding.)

Stephanie: Mom came over to help me. She was appalled that between Morelli and me that we didn't have a set of pots and pans, gadgets and the spices and seasonings needed to make the dinner. Of course she compared me to all of her 'burg neighbors' daughters and, as usual, I came up short. So we went to my Mom's to get all the stuff we needed to make dinner. We made meat loaf, mashed potatoes and peas. I even made a salad although no one in the Plum or Morelli families eats it. I had bread from the Italian bakery, Joe's favorite. And my mom made a pineapple upside down cake. It was going to be a typical 'bBurg family dinner.

Ranger: (Raising an eyebrow.)

Stephanie: By five thirty, the dining room table was set, I was presentable and dinner would be ready to be served promptly at six per 'burg standard. If anyone was late, I could blame them if the meatloaf was dry.

Ranger: And.

Stephanie: Everyone arrived just before six.

Ranger: Who was everyone?

Stephanie: Joe, Mrs. Morelli, Grandma Bella, my parents and Grandma Mazur.

Ranger: (Listening.)

Stephanie: Everyone sat at the dining room table. Before I started to pass the food around, it started.

Ranger: What started?

Stephanie: You know, have we been thinking of setting a date for the wedding? It should be soon since I wasn't getting any younger. We should have children as soon as possible, because . . . I wasn't getting any younger. When was Joe going to get me an engagement ring? We're so glad you stopped working at Vinnie's. And on and on. And Joe was adding pressure since he was agreeing with them.

Ranger: Oh.

Stephanie: You're being as quiet as usual.

Ranger: I'm listening.

Stephanie: Right. So I start passing the food around. Grandma Mazur looks at the meatloaf and says 'Ain't that a pip. You made as a loaf instead of big meatballs like last time. Too bad, it reminded me of your grandfather.' Everyone stopped talking and stared at Grandma Mazur. She shrugged and said that the big balls did remind her of Grandpa. Mrs. Morelli and Grandma Bell gasped. Grandma Bella told Grandma Mazur that she was oversexed and that she was going to give her the eye. Grandma Mazur told her to chill and then she flicked some peas at Grandma Bella. Then the mashed potatoes were flying. And the bread. I ducked for cover. Joe played cop negotiator, but that only made things worse. I swear he was going to call in the SWAT team. After the food fight was over, they all went home. It was, as Lula would say-

Ranger: A hot mess?

Stephanie: Right.

Ranger: Is there more?

Stephanie: (Nodding.) Lots. (Pause.) After everyone left, Joe looked at me and said 'Why do I have to have a girlfriend with a Grandma who thinks she's a sex kitten.' Then he went on and on about how my family was crazy. How I should have talked to Grandma Mazur about appropriate behavior and dinner conversation. And how, if he didn't love me, he wouldn't come near my family's gene pool.

"So I gave him an Italian hand gesture, which I didn't have to translate since he's Italian. And I told him that Grandma Bella was much worse than Grandma Mazur because she was crazy and scary. Then he told me that I would be like Grandma Mazur when I got older because I was a lot like her now. So I told him that it was just a matter of time before he would start acting like his father and his brothers. And I asked if he had already started to act like them. He fumed. I wanted to storm out of the house and go home, but I gave up my apartment. And there was no way I was going to my mom's.

Ranger: What did you do?

Stephanie: I moved Rex and me into the guest room. The very next day Joe got an undercover assignment. The last time he was undercover, he was gone for months. Right and I'm supposed to believe that's a coincidence. What if we had kids? Would he go undercover every time we had a parenting disagreement? (Pause.) That's why I was at Vinnie's today.

"I'm not comfortable staying at Joe's. And his Mom and Grandma Bella have more or less said that they would rather one of the Morellis stay in the house while Joe's undercover. I need to work so that I can rent another apartment. I went to ask Vinnie for my old job back. I can't let Rex be homeless.

Ranger: Babe. (Waiting a few beats.) I think I might have a solution.

This should earn me major Jane points.

**Chapter 15: Imagine Me and You**

Stephanie: What?

Ranger: It's more of a suggestion.

Stephanie: What is it?

Ranger: Did Vinnie hire you back?

Stephanie: I left with you before I got a chance to ask him.

Ranger: Rangeman is looking to hire an administrative assistant. Tank thinks you'd be good for the job since you know the organization and the guys.

Stephanie: And you?

Ranger: I thought that you might find it boring, so I told Tank not to discuss it with you.

Stephanie gave me her patented burg death glate.

Ranger: That was before the grandmas' dinner fiasco.

Stephanie: So you weren't going to tell me about this job?

Ranger: (Shaking his head.) But now that you're looking for work, you should consider it.

Stephanie: Don't I already work for you part time?

Ranger: You do. This would be full time.

Stephanie: So to be Rangeman's admin, would I have to be the office forty hours a week or just twenty?

Ranger: Forty.

Stephanie: Would a Rangeman apartment be included? (Pause.) Wait isn't twenty hours a week for T&D?

Ranger: T&D?

Stephanie: Training and development.

Ranger: Babe. I think you should negotiate with Tank.

Stephanie: Why can't you negotiate with me? You own Rangeman.

Ranger: I own most of Rangeman. If I'm going to negotiate with you, I won't want to talk salary.

Stephanie: And benefits.

Ranger: Trust me; if we negotiated over what I want, there would definitely be benefits.

Babe blushed and my pants got tighter.

I told her that I would see if Tank was available to talk with her today. I went to the den, called Tank and explained the situation. He had always liked the idea of hiring Stephanie and wanted to discuss it with her. Of course, I had to deal with his payback before he told me to send her to his office. I went back to the dining room. Babe was polishing off her sixth doughnut. She had powered sugar on her face and shirt. She looked cute. It took all of my will power not to lick the powered sugar off of her. I focused on the task at hand and told her that Tank was available to talk to her immediately. She grinned, dusted herself off and went to the fifth floor to take a meeting with Tank.

When Babe returned to my apartment, she was smiling and had a definite bounce in her step.

Stephanie: (Walking in the apartment and looking at the photographs on the table in the foyer.) Yo neighbor. Nice pictures of Julie.

Ranger: Yo yourself. Thanks. Did you and Tank come to an agreement?'

Stephanie: We did.

Ranger: Tell me about it?

Stephanie: (Being playful, leaning into Ranger and whispering in his ear.) I'll let you have that discussion with Tank.

Ranger: Tell me.

Stephanie: (Still whispering in Ranger's ear.) Do you really want to know about my arrangement with Tank?

Ranger: Yes.

Stephanie: (Smiling.) Ask Tank.

Ranger: When are you starting?

Stephanie: Monday.

Ranger: Good. You're moving in to an apartment on four?

Stephanie: Over the weekend.

Ranger: What are you doing tomorrow?

Stephanie: I'm going to take Bob to Mrs. Morelli's. She's convinced she can train him.

If Mrs. Morelli can train that canine inhale-o-saurus not to eat everything and hork everywhere, she deserves an award.

Ranger: Good luck with that. Will you be bringing the Attack Hamster?

Stephanie: (Rolling her eyes.) Rex goes where I go.

I asked Babe if she wanted to stay for dinner. She said no because she wanted to start packing up her stuff at Morelli's.

After Babe left, I talked to Julie. She asked about Stephanie. I told her that Stephanie was going to start working at Rangeman and would be living in one of the apartments on the fourth floor. She asked me if I ever told Babe that I liked her. I told her I did. She thought that was good, but she still thought that I should send her flowers and a love letter. I wasn't so sure about the love letter, but I thought that flowers were a good idea.

Ranger: Ella, do you happen to know Stephanie's favorite flowers?

Ella: Her favorites are yellow roses. Do you want me to have some sent to her?

Ranger: I do. Stephanie's going to be working at Rangeman full time and will be moving into the empty apartment on four.

Ella: When is she moving in and when does she start at Rangeman.

Ranger: She moves in this weekend and starts work on Monday.

Ella: May I make a suggestion

Ranger: Yes.

Ella: Why don't we find out what other flowers she likes?

Ranger: Why?

Ella: You can have the yellow roses sent to the apartment and have the other flowers sent to work.

Ranger: Fine. (Pause.) Why send the roses to the apartment?

Ella: (Rolling her eyes.) You send her favorites to the apartment so she can have warm thoughts of you at home.

Ranger: Oh. (_I liked that._) How will we find out which other flowers she likes?

Ella: I can do that.

Ranger: How will you find out?

Ella: I'll talk to Connie and Lula, they'll know. (Pause.) I'll order the flowers, but there's something that I can't do for you.

Ranger: (Looking at Ella.)

Ella: The enclosure cards . . . you have to write the enclosure cards.

Ranger: What should I write?

Ella: Something simple, but a little more than 'Babe'.

I smiled at Ella.

Ella: Something like 'Welcome to Rangeman' and 'Enjoy your new home'. I'll help you, if you'd like.

Ranger: Got it. When should the flowers be delivered?

Ella: We'll have two dozen yellow roses delivered on Saturday and the other flowers on Monday.

Ranger: Two dozen?

Ella: It makes a better arrangement. Nicer than a dozen, but not too much. (Pause.) The flowers will earn you a lot of Jane points.

How did she know? How does she know everything? Maybe Ella should be an intel T&D consultant for Rangeman. I'll discuss it with Tank. I felt like Ella had given me a mental slap on the back and an 'Atta boy'.

The flowers earned me more Jane points than I expected

Stephanie started working at Rangeman and it went well. She did the admin thing about half of the time. With her background as a buyer, Babe was able to find lower prices on supplies for all the Rangeman offices by buying direct and in bulk. That made our accountant, Manny Cortez smile.

Skip tracing made up the rest of her workweek. Tank had negotiated with Vinnie for Babe to continue hunting his lower bond FTAs, but through Rangeman. The combination of duties seemed to work well for her.

I had decided to have Tank deal directly with Stephanie on all employment matters. It was a good decision. Tank had enough distance to be an effective manager to her. And it didn't feel like I was her really boss.

While Morelli was undercover, Babe and I found an easy routine. I asked her to have dinner with me most nights. Sometimes we had dinner at her apartment. We went to the movies. We watched games together. We really got to know each other. It was good. The more I knew Babe, the more I genuinely liked her.

Ella coached me to remember to send Babe flowers every so often, take her to Pino's and to bring her doughnuts. Once I got into the habit, it got easier to remember to do these little things. These gestures seemed to make Babe happy, just as John Gray said that they would. I kept accumulating Jane points.

Our relationship, and it was a relationship, was playful, loving and affectionate. We did most things together, except the thing that I really wanted to do with Babe. For some reason, she was still being faithful to Morelli and I was still sleeping alone.

After five months, Morelli was back and I was called into the wind.

**Chapter 16: The New Deal**

Before I left, I told Julie, Mama, Abuela and Babe, that I was going on a mission. Tank made me. He stayed in my office and wouldn't leave until I informed everyone on my short list. He was right. They were all glad to know that I was going on a mission. Damn I hate when Tank is right and lately he's been right a lot.

I was in the wind for three tortuous months. The missions seem to get worse, not that I can't do the work; it's that I am no longer interested in doing them. I no longer like being offline for months at a time. When I came back from the mission, I was debriefed in Miami for two weeks.

After the debriefing, I stayed in Miami for another two weeks. I stayed at my apartment at Rangeman Miami, but told the staff that I was offline so I could spend time with Julie and Abuela. I had arranged with Rachel and Ron that I would be Julie's personal driver while I was visiting. I got to meet her teachers and friends. I went to her soccer games, helped with her homework and went on endless trips to the mall. I was relieved that Julie was still in the stage where she thought most boys were yucky (her word and mine too.)

There were a few boys who flocked around Julie but she dismissed them all, except for one, Roberto. Julie thinks Roberto is sweet. She spends more time with him than she does with most of her girlfriends. They play Spanish Scrabble, and go to the library and do word problems. Roberto is a boy scout, literally. Rachel and Ron like him. And I was thrilled that my daughter found a complete geek, sweet.

Julie and I had a few dinner and Scrabble evenings with Abuela and her 'friend' Irv. He wasn't what I expected. He's a small guy, about five six, slight with a beaklike nose. He wears horn-rimmed glasses, suits and bow ties. He's formal and has old school manners, very polite. But don't let that fool you, Irv is a smooth operator and a complete ladies' man. Not a player or I'd have to wring his scrawny neck. I watched him very closely.

Abuela and Julie think Irv is wonderful. He seems devoted to Abuela. And she acts like a schoolgirl around him. He's always bringing her little presents, like flowers, a book or her favorite sweets. He likes to cook and always helps in the kitchen. If Abuela hands him a flowered apron to wear, he just grins and shakes his head as he puts it on. And (here's where Irv has the real power) he's attentive. He listens to everything Abuela says. If Julie's there, he pays attention and listens to her too. I learned a lot from watching him in action. Irv could give John Gray some pointers.

I hate to admit it, but I think Irv may be wonderful too. Now that I'm past the shock, I'm glad that Abuela has a special friend. However, if they marry, I refuse to call Irv Abuelo. Abuelo Irv? It doesn't work.

A few days before I went home to Trenton, I called Tank to get status updates. I don't like or trust surprises. When I'm on a mission, a surprise can kill you. That's why I'm aware of my surrounds and demand that others be award of their surroundings too. The only people who question this are, of course, Abuela and Babe. Julie got on board during the Scrog incident.

Tank runs a tight ship at Rangeman Corporate and Rangeman Trenton so there were no real surprises.

Ranger: Is Stephanie-

Tank: Still working at Rangeman? Yes.

Ranger: Is she-

Tank: Still living on the fourth floor? Affirmative.

Ranger: Is she still-

Tank: Still with Morelli? Ask her your own damn self when you get home.

Ranger: Did you-

Tank: Schedule my trip to Greenland? Hell no.

Tank can be pushy at times.

My first day back in Trenton was hectic. There was a stack of work waiting for me on my desk. I did my usual tour of the fifth floor to re-establish my territory and talk to the men. Then I went to Babe's cubby to invite her to have dinner with me at seven. She agreed to have dinner with me. I called Ella and asked her to include dessert with dinner.

I got home at six to shower, shave and get ready to see Babe after nearly four months. Ella had delivered dinner and dessert. Babe knocked on the door at exactly seven. Babe was being prompt. Interesting. What's wrong?

Stephanie: (Walking into the apartment and hugging Ranger.) Um, it smells so good in here. (Sniffing Ranger's neck.) And so do you. Glad your back Batman.

Ranger: (Still hugging Stephanie.) Glad to be back.

We talked about a variety of things at dinner, but not about Morelli. I decided not to ask, to let Babe bring up the subject. I wasn't sure of what I was going to hear, so I was willing to delay the conversation.

After dinner, and dessert, which Stephanie ate and I didn't, we went into the living room to continue our conversation.

Stephanie: Are you going to ask?

Ranger: About what?

Stephanie: I know you know. You always know. But are you going to ask?

Ranger: About what?

Stephanie: About Morelli?

Ranger: Okay. About Morelli?

Stephanie: It's over. Has been for about two months.

Ranger: (Staring at Stephanie.)

Stephanie: Well? Do you want to know what happened?

Ranger: I do. Do you want to tell me?

Stephanie: Duh. Of course. I brought up the subject.

Ranger: Then Babe, please tell me.

Stephanie: Thought you'd never ask. When Morelli came back from his undercover assignment, he was surprised to see one of his brothers living in his house. He'd expected to me to be there. He was also surprised to learn that his Mom had Bob and that Bob had been completely domesticated a la Mama Morelli. He was not happy to learn that I was working for Rangeman. And he was livid to learn that I was living here. Even though I told him that I was living on my own on the fourth floor and that you lived on the seventh floor. I even brought him here to see my apartment. So we tried dating again.

Ranger: I'm listening.

Stephanie: It's your fault that I broke up with Morelli.

Ranger: (Silent.)

Stephanie: Morelli and I started dating again. But all he did was bitch and moan about my work, about the apartment, about my family, about getting married and having kids. He'd whine and I'd think . . . Why is everything I do an issue? Does he even like me? Why in the hell does he want to marry me and have kids? Do I like him? Do I love him?

Ranger: I'm listening.

Stephanie: And sex. It's always about sex with Morelli. Always looking down my shirt and telling me that his guys miss me. Yes, he'd tell me that he loved me. But I think that was his idea of foreplay. And while I like sex, I need more.

Ranger: And?

Stephanie: And then I'd think of you. And how you treat me. And how I feel when I'm with you.

Ranger: And how do you feel when you're with me?

Stephanie: Good. (Long pause.) So I ended it with Morelli.

Ranger: How'd he take it?

Stephanie: Not well at first. But then he got it.

Ranger: How'd your Mother take it?

Stephanie: Not well at first. But then she got it. (After a few beats.) Grandma Mazur was happy. She told me to go after the hot bounty hunter with the package.

I smiled. Morelli's gone. I guess I'm finally going to cash in my Jane points. Stephanie stayed the night. She wasn't ready and I didn't push it. The first time we were together, we had sex. And while it was very good, sex is temporary. I wanted the next time we were together to be about love. Since I had waited this long, I was willing to wait a bit longer.

Babe and I re-established our routine, but this time we kept spending more time together until she was virtually living with me.

One evening, when I walked into my apartment, I noticed that there were two bears, a batman bear and a girl bear in a pink dress, sitting on the couch. Their wrists were bound together with a white ribbon.

I looked around for Babe. I found her waiting for me in the bedroom. She was lying on the bed wearing very sexy lingerie.

Stephanie: Our bears got together.

Ranger: (Giving Stephanie a 200-watt smile.) I saw.

Stephanie: Should we?

Ranger: Oh hell yes!

The End


End file.
